889.

Good morning good people! 💃🏽

I hope everyone is somewhere safe and happy.

Yesterday was busy here. I visited our William (who was still in a little pain but doing better by comparison). Baby Bliss was there, as were his dad and a few other visitors. I didn't stay long because he does need his rest but I wanted to say hello and show support in person as well as pass on well wishes, prayer notifications, etc.

It seems he'll be going home soon for close to a week before he'll be back in hospital for another round of treatment.

Thank you all for your continued prayers for William's healing. 💓

There was also continuation of a project for a client. We are co-creating dynamic new projects for 2020.

🌻 🌻 🌻

And now it's Dream Time!

Today's* dream scenes:

1. At my grandma's old house in our old home town. A man I was involved with (I think) was sleeping in the middle bedroom with me. I think we were in a sleeping bag. We didn't want anyone to know we were sleeping/had slept in the room together because we weren't supposed to sleep together at grandma's so we were vocalizing the lies we could tell if we got caught, to make it seem like one of us had just gotten to the room and hadn't been there all night.

2. We were were in the yard of a friend's home (or maybe it was a family member's home) out in a rural area for a family picnic. Maybe we were too loud for some because some other folk began complaining.

My family said not to worry because the other folk didn't live there but were only renting a nearby property for the day.

My cousin (the mother of the boy from yesterday's post) needed to go potty and found an outhouse. Bernie Mac (may he rest in peace) must have been mad at my cousin because he decided to set all the grass on fire near the outhouse. He also set fire to an abandoned house near the outhouse.

I told him I was gonna call cousin's husband (a big mean guy in waking life) and he (Bernie Mac) would be sorry. He bucked and talked trash, saying he didn't care, etc.

As I called 911, I realized I didn't know the address. 😬

Baby Bliss and I needed to go potty. We went to another home in the area and began exploring. When we were leaving, a young couple came to the door, trying to get in. I think they were with the "rental" folk. Baby Bliss pulled out a knife of some kind and as the young couple tried to walk into the house, she used the knife to manipulate the lock on the inside of the door so the door wouldn't open from the outside.

Before she pulled the door to, I realized I was barefoot and ran back in. My shoes were nowhere in sight but I did see a cute pair of chunky Dr. Scholl-type shoes on the floor just past the living room. I said to myself, "Cute" but still wondered where my shoes were.

3. I was on the front porch of a house with my friend R. (In waking life, I haven't seen her since last year. She is part of my intentional family, like K., who visited us over the 4th of July holiday. At one time the three of us worked together.)

R. and I were waiting for her youngest son to return to the porch. There was a huge cat perched on the porch railing. I played with kitty's luxurious fur while we waited and R. told me how much they loved kitty. Her son returned with his new kitten.


(*Usually my dreams take place on the same day I blog about them because I rarely go to sleep before midnight, with some exceptions of course.)

888.

(I began writing this in the early morning on Wednesday, Nov. 7, 2019 and finished right before posting today. I didn't finish or post it yesterday because I got sidetracked.)

Good morning everyone.

I hope this will be a safe and wonderful day for everyone.

I'm feeling optimistic this morning after learning that our William's new pain meds have given him some respite. 🙌🏾  I'm praying it's a viable solution for the long-term. 🙏🏾

Thank you all for your continued prayers. 💗

🌻 🌻 🌻

Seems I haven't blogged about my dreams in a while. One reason is because I went through a period of being able to recall only snippets of them. It was very frustrating because my dreams are such an integral part of my life that I felt off balance.

My dreams during that period were as action-packed, vivid, and revealing as ever but I couldn't remember the details, only snatches of shadowy images. 😩

Well, I'm happy to say that I once again have enough recall to make me feel whole again. 😀

A quick and dirty rundown (because today will be busy) of what I recall at this moment:


- Monday's dreams:

1. I was in a school being chased by a bear. As I rounded hallways, I shouted to everyone that a bear was coming, that they should run or hide. There were small children in the halls. I'm not sure who ran or hid because I didn't look back.

2. I got to my mom's (the apartment I grew up in, in waking life) and dropped my purse on the floor. As I was closing her front door, I realized someone was after me. I decided to climb down the balconies (three stories up from the ground) to get away. I realized my car keys were in my purse and went to retrieve it, so who ever was after me couldn't steal my car and just in case I needed the car to further my getaway. I woke up before I made it all the way down.


- Wednesday's dream:

1. There were supposed to be three of us (myself, Baby Bliss, and someone I don't remember) going to Paris. I realized we hadn't packed and went in search of suitcases. We were at my grandma's old house in our hometown. All the suitcases were in her basement.

I asked what time we needed to get to the airport (5:30). In the next scene Baby Bliss and I were at an evening church service when I remembered we needed to be at the airport. My watch said 5:17 p.m. and I panicked a bit.


- This morning's dream:

I was on a city bus. A pregnant woman got on and stood in the aisle while waiting for someone to help her to a seat. A man who didn't know her helped her and sat next to her. They conversed in Spanish (she thanked him for helping her, he acknowledged). The bus driver told the man that the woman spoke English. The woman and man spoke a few words to each other in accented English then resumed their conversation in Spanish.

The bus became a tour bus and one of the other passengers was the ex of Baby Bliss's godmother. When our bus arrived at our destination, someone had to remind me to get my belongings from the overhead bin.

I disembarked and saw one of my cousin's (adult) sons. He began throwing rocks at me, saying he wanted me to be his friend. One of the rocks hit me on the shoulder and I threatened him with bodily harm if I was hit again.

I was in a kitchen with someone, looking down at a huge grassy area below. I saw my cousin's son again, running from a kangaroo. He stopped and I thought the kangaroo would attack him. He (and another young man) began singing in hauntingly beautiful voices.

🌻 🌻 🌻

That's it for now folks. Time to skedaddle. Wishing you all a beautiful day!

K.

887.

Hello everyone.

I hope you all are somewhere safe and happy today.

I'm doing my best despite the hits that seem to keep coming.

Today I visited our William in hospital, where he's been since last week.

Our young man has experienced a few setbacks since his diagnosis. We learned that his medical condition is more serious than what we knew prior to the start of his hospital stay.

Additionally, on the day he went to hospital to start his treatment, he broke a bone several hours later. (In hospital.) The start of his treatment had to be delayed by a day while the medical professionals tried to figure out what was causing excruciating pain with the slightest movement or touch.

Thankfully he was able to start treatment on Tuesday. Eventually the doctors learned of the broken bone but it took another few days to get his pain managed enough to get a cast on him. The best option would have been a surgical repair but that's not a current option for him because it would have further delayed the treatment he needs for the more serious condition.

As well, pain management in general has been difficult to maintain and they've had to adjust and change his pain meds and dosages quite a few times in the past week.

It is heart wrenching to see a loved one suffer so. We're all praying for the best outcome for this whole ordeal.

🌼 🌼 🌼

Today was my third (grief) therapy session. Coupled with phone therapy that I've been utilizing with one of the resources I was given, I feel like I'm managing my anxiety better than I was several weeks ago.

It's challenging. Each time something else happens with William, I feel like I'm falling into the terrifying abyss. One that I managed to escape from once and thought if it ever appeared again, I'd be able to sidestep it because now it can't trick me into coming near because I recognize it and I'm too smart for it.

Instead I'm reminded of how human I am, how fragile life is, how people we love (including ourselves) can be in situations we feel are beyond our ability to assist with, and how the resulting pain and sadness can slide us down into that dark hole and we feel like we won't stop falling.

That was me a few hours ago, after I got home and processed today's visit with William. I know him to be a capable young man, well-spoken, funny, chivalrous, intelligent, loving. To see him struggling to overcome pain and uncertainty feels overwhelming at times.

An awful reminder of how unfair life can be, how the Wheel turns and stops right at the spot where you were hoping it wouldn't. 💔

I know this is temporary, temporary, temporary. That's what I keep repeating to myself, what I know to be true. Sometimes it helps. Sometimes it doesn't.

But I'll keep saying it. And I'm hoping it's what he's saying to himself and that it helps somehow.

And I'll keep praying, and meditating, and doing the other things that help me and that help me be there for him and the others when I need to be and when I can be.

And once again, thank you all for your continued prayers for William's healing and for us all, for peace in the midst of this storm. 💓🕊

Amen.

K.

886.

Hello everyone.

I hope you are all somewhere safe and doing well.

It's been a little over a week since I've seen our William but I spoke with him today. He said he was tired but feeling a little better because of a new medication that's helping with the pain and allowing him to rest and sleep.

His treatment plan has him starting a week-long in-patient stay soon.

He still has a long way to go so thank you all for keeping the prayers going.

Other family members (including Baby Bliss, with her nurse's spirit) are assisting with his care. I'm so thankful that my baby is able to help others in this way.

🌸 🌸 🌸

For me, today was a better day than yesterday and I'm thankful.

William's situation has been disheartening for me. I believe he will overcome this challenge. What gives me anxiety is that his climb to healthier is just beginning and the hill is steep.

If we parents could take on any pain our children might encounter in their lives, would we not hesitate to let them live free of all discomfort? Is this what his parents are thinking?

Since his diagnosis, I have been experiencing physical symptoms that I'm working hard to get under control. I know the reason for my distress: I am re-living traumatic events from my past that I don't want to acknowledge here or even to myself.

Prayer, healing music, essential oils, and talking things out is all helpful but not yet eradicating the thoughts and images playing in my mind at uncomfortable intervals.

It's all temporary, yes. But when it happens, it's frightening. I feel powerless.

Yesterday I made an appointment to return to counseling (I did four years of grief counseling after Mr. Bliss died). My first appointment is Tuesday morning.

But I was distraught yesterday and needed a listening ear. I was not suicidal but I needed to speak with someone neutral. I called the Suicide Prevention Lifeline (800-273-8255) and I'm thankful I did.

The woman I spoke with helped me find resources that will help William . Another woman I spoke with provided more resources, also helpful.

Today I stayed in bed later than usual, only rising when my friend called to check on me. He's aware of William's situation and how I feel about it. He met William when he visited Baby Bliss and I last month and he's concerned as well.

When we last spoke (Monday), I cried and cried. We talked until his bedtime. Tuesday and Wednesday I felt his ear needed a break. Even with the few I consider friends, it sometimes feels like I'm wearing out my welcome if I "need" too much. Being self-sufficient is something I've always loved about myself but the older I get, the more I understand why God gifts us with friends.

Tomorrow morning will be busy here. Time for sleep.

In closing I have another prayer request, for me: that I am able to regain and keep my equilibrium so that I may be more able to support William and his care takers to the best of my abilities while being able to maintain my own health.

Thank you all in advance.

With love and gratitude,

K.

885.

Hello everyone.

Today my heart is heavy. A member of our family is moving through a serious healing crisis.

I come with a request: please keep us all lifted in prayer with positive thoughts and energy for William's healing as he moves through this challenging time.

I believe in the power of the energy of group prayer and I thank you all in advance for helping our family.

(And if I'm not here for a while, please re-read this post every time you visit the blog and please keep those positive prayers going.)

With love and gratitude,

K.

884.

Happy Saturday y'all.

I hope everyone is somewhere safe and in good spirits.

We're doing well here.

The hurricane (Dorian) caused some destruction along the coast of our state and I heard that a tornado spawned by same also touched down south of us.

Our local weather guy said some areas near us got rain but thankfully our local area only experienced cloudy skies and wind.

Today has been chill chez Bliss. Baby Bliss felt awful when she woke up this morning so she called out for the day. I believe she's off tomorrow as well.

Tomorrow shall be a day of fun and family for us. My friend is coming to stay with us for a few days of his vacation.

We have a loose agenda: the mountains, dinner for my birthday (another one!), dinner with grandma and the aunties, hanging out here with Baby Bliss. We'll probably have lunch at my favorite park a few times too.

I'm excited and so is Baby Bliss. It's been many years since they've seen each other.

The weather is forecast to be in the 90s here and 80s in the mountains.

883.

Hello, hello, hello folks!

I know, I know!

I'm late. Please forgive me. Life has been busy as all get out. Seriously.

Before I divulge the details of what I've been doing these past two months, let me first offer prayers for comfort and healing for everyone in the Bahamas (and other locales) who have been affected by the devastation of Hurricane Dorian.

My prayers as well for those who are in Dorian's path. Ideally he will head back to sea and die there.

The destructive power of these weather events seems to be increasing with each episode. God only knows what's coming next. 😩

🌸 🌸 🌸

So what have you been up to?

I have been quite the socialite lately. 💄💅👠💃

In the past week, I've been to three birthday celebrations. 🎂 🎈🎁🍹

One was a dinner party for a neighbor's daughter. The other was a girls' night out/birthday celebration for the founder of a group I'm a member of. The third celebration was for my birthday.

🍴The dinner party was at a nearby restaurant. We were a boisterous group of (maybe) 10. Most folks ordered lobster. (Which I wanted also but decided not to order.) I choose three delicious sides for my meal: a baked sweet potato, mac and cheese, and steamed asparagus.

The birthday girl got a free sundae from the restaurant and her mom had a beautiful cake for her. The cake was good but not as good as it looked like it would be. (They said it was "homemade" but you couldn't tell by looking at it. It was as professionally ornate as any cake I've seen in a bakery showcase. And it was tasty. Just not as spectacular-tasting as I expected based on a similarly gorgeous cake I ate in a previous life. So I take nothing from the baker. It was just me reminiscing.)

👯 Our girls' night out birthday party was at the home of a group member. She was a fantastic hostess and the evening was so much fun that we were there for six hours eating, drinking, laughing, dancing, talking...

We're supposed to make it a regular thing for monthly birthdays, much like the other group I belonged to when I was friends with Miz A.

🍔 My birthday celebration was a belated one. My friend L told me a while ago that she wanted to treat me to a meal for my birthday. I'd forgotten but she remembered. 😊 We met for a long lunch last Friday. I love hanging out with her and we just don't do it often enough. We met through our children (my daughter and her granddaughter have been friends since grade school) and L and her family have become family over time.💗

🌸 🌸 🌸

Today a neighbor invited me to lunch. He's a nice gentleman. Older. Like, my dad's age. We have interesting visits when we run into each other in the neighborhood.

We usually sit out in the community rocking chairs and chat. Sometimes it's just us. Sometimes there are other neighbors too.

His lunch invite was impromptu but I suspect he's been holding it for a while. We ate at a restaurant in the area, one I'd been wanting to try after hearing so many good reviews. The food was so-so. Not what I expected based on the reviews. *shrug*

Perhaps a different menu item will be better on my next visit. Or a different chef or a different time of day. I'm willing to give it another shot. 😋

My neighbor mentioned several times how glad he was to be out and about today because home was boring. He once lived in one of the Biggest Big Cities on the east coast and he misses it. I think it got too expensive up there. He has family in this area and he was born and raised in a city about two hours away.

I felt a little sad when he began telling me how his family comes to visit sparingly, to take him to appointments and run errands, dropping him off and leaving right after. I really want his family to pay more attention because I noticed that he's showing signs of cognitive decline and his vision is off as well.

He asked me the same questions several times, he asked me to read the menu to him, and he had a time managing his food and drink. 😩

These kinds of situations give me anxiety. I don't know his family and I'm not sure how they might react to this kind of information coming from a stranger. 😕 My prayer is that my neighbor's situation is resolved with the best outcome for all involved. Amen.

🌸 🌸 🌸

In other news, Baby Bliss has enrolled in college. Physics. I'm awed. She is exceptionally bright, that one. Apparently to a degree I didn't understand.

Before she started class (and a new job), she took a cross-country trip 🚘 to the Rocky Mountains 🌄⛰with some friends. They had an amazing time, so said Baby Bliss. She kept in touch the whole way, texting photos and tidbits about everything fantastic on their journey.

Can I tell y'all how thankful I am for the wondrous technology that allows us to keep in (almost) constant contact with our babies even when they're on the other side of the country? 💕

🌸 🌸 🌸

Several weeks ago, the aunties and I converged upon grandma's house, to see to some electrical work that needed doing. We didn't do it, just watched and waited. The electrician was a family friend, and yes, a real electrician. He and his wife came to do the job. She was cool.

After the work was done, grandma and the aunties got into my car and I drove around the corner to Baby Auntie's community pool for the annual community yard sale/shindig. We grabbed vittles from a couple of food trucks and noshed at a picnic table under a shade tree.

🌸 🌸 🌸

On August 7, like folks nationwide, I attended National Night Out. Ours was at the park up the street. Seemed like the whole town turned out to meet and greet with our law enforcement and other first responders.

There was all kinds of food, drinks, treats, raffle prizes, and more. Many of my neighbors were there. We had a rip-roaring time of it. I even won a prize. 🎉🎉🎉

🌸 🌸 🌸

The first Saturday in August found a neighbor and I at a huge rummage sale at a church several exits north of us. We literally shopped until we dropped. And I only dropped because some of my things were heavy. (Books.)

I found some incredible deals, the most notable being a large soft-sided piece of luggage for $1. My favorite purchase was a laptop bag for $1. It's light blue and black, with short handles and a long strap, padded, and it has an outside pocket. It also looks brand new and is much nicer than a similar bag I bought at a store for $10 in June. 😭

Some things I bought were for grandma: a scarf that reminded me of a blouse she used to have; a white sleeveless cotton button-front blouse that reminded me of blouses she wore when I was young; a lace-covered ivory camisole in a nicely-weighted fabric that feels like butter.

I also bought a few purses ($1 each) and more (exquisite!) scarves for 50 cents each. There was a lovely set of burgundy pillowcases as well. (Along with a set of sheets, the pillowcases went to a neighbor who was settling into a new space with no time to do laundry.)

Thank God for the giant blue IKEA bag stashed in my trunk. It came in handy for dragging my haul inside.

🌸 🌸 🌸

Looks like this post has gotten long enough, yes? Well then, July shall have its own dispatch.

Please follow me... 🦶🏽

882.

Happy Thursday folks!

I hope you're all somewhere safe and doing well.

I'm gonna try to make this fast because I'm supposed to be sleeping. Also because I need to get it out before anything else noteworthy occurs. 😁

So this happened:

- A family member saved herself and her neighbors from literally being blown to bits a week ago. She had been smelling "a slight natural gas smell" before she left for vacation. Returned home and the odor was stronger. 😮

My relative called the gas company around 11p.m. Gas company rep arrived around midnight and said yep, gas leaking. He proceeded to knock on the door of the neighbor whose unit the smell seemed to be coming from.

No answer. Fire department was called to gain entry. Fire department showed up, opened the door. There was a sleeping occupant who needed reviving. 😱 An ambulance was called. The fire department used equipment to clear the gas fumes from the apartment. The paramedics/EMTs had to remove the occupant from a back door of the unit, started life-saving measures in the grass, then took the occupant to the hospital. 

The next day my relative learned that a faulty gas stove was the culprit and she was thanked for saving not only lives but property as well. Several people in the building smoke and sometimes folks use grills on their patios and thankfully an awful situation was averted.

The mystery: did anyone else smell the gas in all that time? If yes, did they not understand the seriousness of the situation? 😕

- A guy who used to be my neighbor was arrested recently for sexually assaulting several women during massages when he was employed with two local (reputable) massage places.

But he won't be tried for the accusations. He had to be released because of a technicality. 😑 I can't prove he did anything he's accused of. Indeed, my own interactions with him were all fine. However, before he moved, I began reading The Sociopath Next Door. A few chapters in and I realized that something almost undetectable in homeboy's personality did raise my hackles a few times. 😬

🌸 🌸 🌸

Back to Memorial Day weekend: it was fabuloso!

- I had a great time with my dad's family at the quinceañera. We ate, danced, laughed, took photos, tried to crash the wedding next door, and allowed some wedding guests to peek in on our party too.

My cousin truly looked like a princess in her dress. Her parents were so proud and happy. My aunt (grandmother of the princess) was proud and happy too.

We all were. 💓

- The time spent with my friend was fun, eye-opening, sad, nostalgic, cathartic, blissful.

We talked about a lot of things past and present. Things we needed to share with each other, reveal to each other. There was a lot of emotional rawness and intimacy.  (No, not that kind.)  There were tears, laughter, yelling. We looked at old photos I'd taken with me.

We had a cookout at his house on Memorial Day. Some of his family came over. It was good to see them. Sad too. 😶

Really just a good reunion.

(Side note: There was a summer storm one night and I had another "energy" episode similar to the one in post 535. I've also had a few episodes at home since that post, always during weather events. The "why" continues to elude me. 😐)

Our visit was a much-needed chapter in our ongoing dialogue and I'm thankful we were able to get to it.

My friend is on vacation now, with one of his homies. We talked about him swinging by to visit me on his way home but he called the other day to say it wasn't likely to work with his probable schedule.

Que sera, sera...

When we next have time, it will be good to see him again. I love him as much as our connection allows and he knows he's one of the few people who is welcome to knock on my door without invitation or explanation, knowing he'll be ushered in with joy.

Until we meet again, the beat goes on.

🌸 🌸 🌸

There has been more conversing with the Astronaut lately. (See posts 804, 811, 855, and 876.)

He's scheduled to go home for the 4th of July, for a family reunion. He said he wants me to join him, which I just might do.

I haven't seen his people (who are my people too, sort of; more on that later) in almost 35 years. 📅📅

The Astronaut and I met the summer I was 17/18. He lived several hours and several hundred miles away but his brother was married to the sister of a guy my cousin was dating and the Astronaut came with them for a visit to my hometown.

He and I were instantly attracted to each other. We were inseparable the whole time he was in town and thought ourselves in love by the time he was heading back home. (I don't recall how long the visit was. Maybe a few week, maybe a couple of weeks.)

We made plans for me to visit him.

In the interim, there were lots of phone calls and sometimes letters. ☎ 🖊📃 💌📬 ☎

By the time I visited, we were talking marriage. 💍 💒

I loved everything about him, I thought.

But did we even have anything in common? Not much, it seemed.

He was a country boy, muscular and virile, with an accent that tickled my ears. His parents were still together living in the family home, his momma was a good cook, and he had lots of siblings, things that made me feel secure with him. And jealous of him.

I was a city girl, raised by a single mother and her family (mostly women). Cute and bookish but urban and sparkly enough to catch his eye. Dumb as a tick when it came to establishing and sustaining a healthy romantic relationship, certainly not able to create and foster a viable marriage.

The photos from my visit south, to see him and meet his family, are still in my collection. Decades later, the trip is still a fond memory for me.

My recollection is that we were gonna marry and move me south. We were researching jobs for me and planned to move into an apartment next to his brother and sister-in-law. But something happened and we broke up. Not during my visit but some time after.

Maybe the tedium of being in a long distance relationship with a man I didn't really know became overwhelming. Or boring. Or something else.

I do remember being married to my first husband and having sporadic contact with the Astronaut, Nothing untoward, just a few phone calls and a few letters. I recall telling him how I'd had a dream about his mom and him telling me she'd died the week of my dream...

At some point we lost touch.

Fast forward to meeting, dating, and marrying Mr. Bliss and Bam!

Big planet with billions of people and wouldn't ya know it, the Astronaut and I are now related by marriage. 😵😂

When I reminded him that tongues would be wagging if we attend the family reunion together, his response: So? I knew you first.

Alrighty then. (See definition number 4.)

🌸 🌸 🌸

In other news, I have a date Friday. Stay tuned for more details. 😄

Sweet dreams y'all.


p.s  I just remembered that I must have visited the Astronaut at least twice, back in the day. The photos I mentioned are from a summer visit.

But there was also a visit when we went to the county fair, an autumn event. I remember because he took a photo of me lounging in a wooden glider-type swing but it was suspended by rope from a huge tree.

I was wearing a cream colored v-neck sweater and a pair of baggy floral pants in rust and navy blue, a favorite outfit that season.

That photo might be floating around in the archives. I'll have to search for it.

881.

Hello, hello, hello folks.

I hope all is well with everyone.

We're just swell here, living and breathing, eating well with a roof over our heads and clean clothes to wear.

I'm thankful. 💓

So, as usual, there is lots to tell.

Before I get back to more details of my Memorial Day weekend, there is more recent stuff to divulge.

But first, let me send my condolences into the Universe, for Anderson Cooper on the transition of his mom, the inimitable Gloria Vanderbilt. May he have peace and comfort for this journey. May her soul merge with the Great Conscious some of us call God and rest easy.

In my teens, Gloria Vanderbilt's name was synonymous with looking "fly". Her jeans were highly coveted among the girls I attended junior high and high school with. I don't recall ever owning a pair but the commercial for the jeans was one of my favorite t.v. adverts.

I was saddened to hear that she'd passed away and I cried watching the CNN tribute Anderson Cooper made for his mom. This will be his first birthday without his mom, my first without my dad.

La vida...

🌸 🌸 🌸

880.

Hello and Happy Wednesday y'all!

I hope everyone is safe and sound as you're reading.

This will be short because I'm tired.

My mom is/was in town for a mini-visit. She drove down to see about grandma (her momma) so she stayed at grandma's house, down in the big city.

I was down in the big city Monday and Tuesday, to help clear out old papers at grandma's while my mom and grandma were on the hunt for all pertinent documents and some jewelry my grandma wanted my mom to have.

Later, one of my aunts came by with her son. Those two are at grandma's every day any way (they only live a few minutes around a few corners as do a bunch of other cousins) and now days, someone is always sleeping over at grandma's.

Baby Bliss was working both days so she missed her granny on this trip.

🌸🌸🌸

Last weekend was busy. I relented on my "no" stance with the Athlete and hung out with him Saturday and part of Sunday. He wanted me to hang out Sunday night too but we couldn't coordinate schedules.

Which was for the best.

It was good to see him but I can only spend a limited amount of time with him. For the most part he's a sweet guy but we have vastly different styles of communicating. Too many hours spent trying to chase his thoughts around Robin Hood's barn and I'm just worn out.

I usually say what's on my mind, no chaser. Sometimes it rubs him the wrong way when I don't sugar coat things for him.

Maybe it's the northerner in me. Y'all know what they say: you can take the girl outta the city...

The Athlete lives near the church we three Bliss used to attend, many many moons ago. When I left his place Sunday, I dropped by the church to see my peeps.

Service had ended when I arrived but I stayed close to an hour talking, eating, and helping clean up.  Several people we knew were there, surprising me to tears. I was also surprised that some folks remembered me. (And I'm not sure why I was surprised because it's a small congregation.)

🌸🌸🌸

On a more personal note, my Memorial Day weekend back home was everything. 

It was phenomenal.

The time spent with my friend was literally life-altering.

I also had a super duper fantastic time with my dad's family at the quinceañera.

But as I stated in the beginning of this post, I'm beat.

More details to come...

Ciao folks! 💋💋💋

879.

Happy Sunday folks! 😀

Hopefully everyone is enjoying this beautiful day in peace and harmony. It's warm and sunny here and I'm resting for now.

Up until this moment, this weekend hasn't been what I thought it would be.

 My expectations: restful quiet with snacks, music, crochet, needles and thread...

Instead I got lots of conversation(s) with my friend, a lost-dog crisis, a bug-in-the-house crisis, and a dearth of rest/sleep.

- Sleep deprivation is not news around here. 😒😣

- The bug incident had my heart racing. I've lived at my current residence for seven years. I can count on one had the number of big bugs I've seen in here.

I turned on the bathroom light and there it was, on the floor. I began screaming. Baby Bliss et al ran out to see why. I said, "Cockroach". Her boyfriend said, "Water bug".

Either way, my adrenaline shot up as I ran in search of something to spray it with.

Febreeze was the first thing I saw.

I blasted that sucka but it didn't stop him. Baby Bliss came with a shoe and a screaming-shouting frenzy ensued.

The sound of a bug "splat" is horrendous. Worse is seeing it happen. 😰😱🤢🤮 But she smashed it. I dare not describe the mutilation I witnessed. Thankfully the boyfriend cleaned up the debris.

After all that drama and mayhem, my nerves were shot. It sent me on a tear. (See definitions 1 and 2.)

Bugs like paper and I have lots of it in here: waiting-to-be-filed: manuscripts past and present, receipts, etc. as well as waiting-to-be-shredded.

Some of that paper will see the inside of our dumpster as soon as I go out today.

Perhaps it was a reminder from the Great One that I need to get my ass in high gear regarding my ongoing quest to free our living space of Things Which No Longer Serve Us.

As discussed in one of the many conversations I had with my friend yesterday, I keep stuff. He said I'm a hoarder. I consider myself a sentimental preserver because I keep things of remembrance: greeting cards (I have the one my mom gave me for my 16th birthday as well as the cards I got at Baby Bliss' baby shower 20-something years ago); some of Mr. Bliss' clothes/shoes/important papers; Baby Bliss' childhood artwork and report cards; old diaries and journals; income tax filings dating back to the 80s including those spanning several marriages...

Some documents I've retained because of a few scary incidents in my past that necessitated me having to prove I did or didn't engage in some thing that could have had serious consequences (fines, penalties, and/or jail time) had I not been able to prove my involvement or lack thereof in said activity.

Seriously.

However, I do acknowledge that some of those documents could probably be disposed of without negative repercussions.

I also know that to move forward, one must be willing to leave the past behind. Or, as my friend and I discussed recently (and on a few other occasions), "What are you willing to give up to get what you want?"

Part of me feels like I've given up so much already, unwillingly (Mr. Bliss, my dad). I know trying to hold on to that which cannot be held is ultimately foolish and possibly dangerous. I also know that memories are ours to hold in our hearts forever, until we are only memories.

Life...

It's a combination of so many things. Two of my favorite songs sum up those feelings for me.

One is Vivir Mi Vida.

The other is Rie y Llora.

- Once again, my neighbor's dog got loose and ran away from her. The first time was back in early fall, when the dog and my neighbor were new companions. She took the dog out for a walk and thought it would go potty faster off the leash. 😑

The dog decided to explore the land.

Alone.

My neighbor was devastated. The dog was returned to her by animal control several days later.

This time the dog ran off when it was frightened by a different neighbor.

Allegedly.

My neighbor called me several times to tell me but I was otherwise engaged and couldn't answer. So she climbed my stairs and knocked at my door.

I had to talk to her as I peeked around the side of the door because I wasn't dressed. 😶  She told me the dog had gotten away again. I told her I'd get dressed and come down.

Long story short, we looked for the dog for a while and made a few stops to inquire and inform. No dog and two hours spent.

When I awoke this morning, there was a text from my neighbor saying the dog had returned.

Hallelujah.

- My friend and I have been enjoying excellent communication for a couple of weeks now. We talked numerous times yesterday, starting at 2 a.m. and ending close to midnight. We've talked twice today.

It feels like we're ramping up the excitement leading up to our anticipated visit and I'm really digging our interaction. According to him, he is too. 😊

I was anxious about going home but now I'm eager to get on the road.

Oh happy day! 💃

Time to change the scenery y'all. Gotta henna this head.

Ciao darlings. 💋

878.

Happy Saturday y'all.

I hope everyone is feeling well and somewhere safe.

I'm doing well.

Nodding and tired but here I am. 😩😄

It's been a long week and now the weekend is here. Hurray!

No special plans for me because last weekend was so busy: a birthday dinner for Baby Bliss, a graduation dinner for another family member, Mother's Day dinner too.

My weekend will be spent getting ready for my upcoming trip.

So much to-do on my list! Packing for sure but also (a)mending (a few dresses), crocheting (a gift for my host and possibly a belt for my dress), measuring and pouring (toiletries so I don't have to take whole 20 and 30 ounce bottles with me).

My friend and I had a two-hour conversation earlier. We rang off about 45 minutes ago. He works overnights so we talked as he worked. He's on the very short list of folk I'll be seeing when I'm home and I'm excited. 💗

It's been six years since we've seen each other in person.

I'm having a bit of a row with my packing list. We can't seem to agree on what attire I'm actually taking with me. Some favorites for sure but there are also new things that should go too.

As well, the dress I originally planned to wear to the quinceañera has a rival. My first choice is a close-fitting evening gown in a deep, rich chocolate. It features a plunging v-neck and tank top style straps, a fitted bodice, and a crocheted spider web overlay that starts right under the breastbone and extends down a few inches.

I've had the dress for several years and worn it three times. (A retirement party, a wedding, and Baby Bliss' birthday dinner several years ago. Two of those events were in 2014.)

My jewelry (a cocktail ring and 2-inch half hoop earrings) is rose gold with faux gemstones.

The "alternate" dress is black. Long and sleek in a fabric I absolutely love. It's sleeveless. I can wear the same jewelry I planned to wear with the brown dress so that's a plus. If I have time, I'll crochet a beaded belt for the dress before I get outta here.

That's all for now folks. I've been awake since 7:30 yesterday morning. Sleep beckons. 😴

More later...

Smooches y'all. 💋💋💋

877.

Hello and how-do folks?

I hope everyone is safe and happy.

We're doing just swell in these parts. Baby Bliss and I are looking at a torrential rain through our living room window and wondering how we're going to get safely to our 6:30 soiree.

The plans for my trip home are prancing along at a proper pace. 🐎

I have my dress, jewelry, and shoes for the quinceañera. My dress is sleeveless so I'll need a jacket or sweater, maybe a long sheer scarf to use as a wrap.

My accommodations were secured a few days ago. Thank God because that's been a source of anxiety for the past couple of months (more on that later as well). But now that my bed and board are assured, I've been anxious for another reason.

Maybe "anxious" isn't the proper word. More like nervous excitement... (Is that the same as anxious?)

It's all for the greater good (Let us pray🙏🏽!) so there will be lots of meditating and inhaling of lavender essential oil in the meantime.

Due to the availability dates of my lodging, I'll be heading out two days later than originally scheduled. But I'm not fretting. It still gets me home a day before the party.

It's also possible that those two days will be added at the end of my trip (so says me), which I'm currently open to and perhaps looking forward to. 🤫

My schedule is flexible... 😉

Well looka there! The rain has stopped. 😃

However, we are now under a tornado warning. 😨

I guess it's a good time to start my packing list. 🖋🗒

876.

Good morning my dears. 

I hope this post finds everyone happy and healthy.

I'm... here. Thankful and I do believe fairly healthy.

So much has happened since my last post... But that's what passes for "normal" in my life, lots happening.

Would I have it any other way? I'm not sure.

Let's get the sad news out of the way first:

- The death toll has risen. My godmother's husband died. I think it's been a month. 💔

- There was a shooting at a university where a family member works. Sadly, two young men were murdered. Four others were shot and are hospitalized. Thankfully my family member wasn't on campus when it happened so was not harmed. 

My prayers for peace and healing for everyone affected by this horrific act.

🌸 🌸 🌸

Happy news:

- Baby Bliss will be celebrating her birthday soon and The Royal Court is gathering. One attendant has already arrived. The two of them are currently sleeping in Baby Bliss' room. The birthday dinner won't have as many celebrants as last year but the festivities will span several days.

- Miss L, a senior neighbor, invited me to a Mother's Day cookout via messenger (her brother). She and her brother are roommates and she and I met when I visited her brother to tell him that daddy had died. Miss L and I saw each other again at another neighbor's birthday cookout. 

I was told that she thought I was a very nice person and she wanted me to come enjoy the day with her family. A couple of other neighbors said Miss L's family cookouts are legendary so yes, I will be going and I'm thankful for the invite. (And the sweet compliment.)

- I'll be heading home for a long weekend soon, for a cousin's quinceañera. I'm excited for a number of reasons, one or two of which I've alluded to in previous posts. It will definitely be an interesting trip. Stay tuned for details.

🌸 🌸 🌸

In other news, the suitors have been ramping it up in the past few weeks. No one new because I'm not actively using my online dating profile. These are familiar suitors: the Athlete, the Astronaut, Mr. Skittish, and The Other Guy (who lives in the neighborhood and grew up with a neighbor I'm fairly close with).

- I actually had dinner with The Other Guy a week or so ago. He's... different. Dinner was... interesting. Our before and after interaction is/was... strange, even by my standards.

But it's all good. He's who he is and I'm who I am. I like him as a friend.

Maybe we'll hang out again. Maybe not. He did ask me out again, after that dinner. He'd also asked me out before. I accepted but changed my mind later. He never asked me why and I didn't bring it up. Then there was the dinner.

I think he lives in a different emotional/mental/psychological space than I do. Which is cool in a friend but a definite no-no for someone I might date.

We see each other in passing in the neighborhood. We speak. He texts me sometimes; I text back...

- The Athlete and I hadn't spoken in over a month. We had gotten to a stage in our relationship where we weren't dating but we would see each other and talk/text occasionally. In March he did something that let me know it was time to cut things off with him.

He didn't agree with my assessment of the situation, which was fine. I still get final say on who I cavort with. 

He texted me last week, joking about some things we'd done in the past. I was polite but unamused. When he asked to see me, I told him no.

It's possible that at some future date I might change my mind but let's not hold our collective breath folks.

- The Astronaut and I have been texting sporadically, pleasantries and an occasional photo.

- Mr. Skittish has called and texted a few times in the past week, checking on me and flirting. He said he might come to town one weekend soon. I told him to let me know when, so we can hang out if I'm in town.

Honestly, right now I'm in a holding pattern where real dating is concerned. There is something (someone) I want (I think...) and sometimes we have to give up something to get something. So I'm giving up real dating in the present to possibly get what I want in the future.

Time will reveal all to everyone, me included. 😆😘

And now, I must bid y'all a fond adieu. I've been awake almost 24 hours and it's not good. The dinner party is scheduled for pedicures this afternoon. If I lay down now, it's possible I'll get three hours of sleep.

Toodles! 

875.

Hello everyone and Happy Saturday to you all.

It's a damp day here. It rained, rained, rained. Stopped. Still wet out.

Such a dreary day, to match my mood.

I was fine when I woke up, at 5:30 a.m. and again at 7 something.

But the atmosphere changed at some point.

I was scrolling through my Facebook feed and saw a prayer request for a woman I've known since maybe second grade. The last time I saw her was at the shower my mom gave for me and Baby Bliss, over 20 years ago.

At one time, that woman was one of my best friends. But life changes things. People say and do things that end friendships and the world keeps turning.

Still, seeing a prayer request for her made me a bit sad. I thought of all the things we did together back in the day. All the parties we went to together, the sleepovers, the classes we attended together (at three different schools), the boys we giggled about...

And then I got a text from Baby Bliss' godfather. We've known each other almost 25 years. We talk and text often, do lunch and/or dinner when I'm home.

He's had a few health challenges lately that are concerning.

This morning he texted to say he'll call me later to update me on his situation. Now I'm crying because I feel like it's gonna be bad news and I'm scared.

He's one of the folks I count among the people I love and consider family.

He is such a calm and level-headed man. Joyful in his own laid back way. I always enjoy the time we spend together.

I need to burn some sage, to get these negative thoughts out of my head so I can pray for peace for us all, no matter what he has to say.

Amen.

874.

So a few days ago daddy visited in my dream.

He was happy. And young. But still my daddy.

He had a lot of company in his apartment. They were all laying around in the living room, some sleeping. There was a cute puppy. I asked them all to leave. We went into his bedroom. Daddy had a lot of new things. Furniture, clothes, workout equipment...

I asked him where he'd gotten it all. He was grinning and happy, said he bought it.

(Oh Lawd daddy! With what?!)

I asked him how much it all cost. He said he didn't know; he'd used his debit card.

(Oh Lawd daddy!)

I knew it was a dream and he'd died in waking life but I also knew that it was all real in the dream and I dream-panicked. I estimated that his new stuff had cost a couple of thousand bucks, more than he had in his (waking life) account when he died.

"Daddy! That means your account is overdrawn. The bank is gonna be calling me." Instant headache.

Daddy wasn't too concerned. 😐

I woke up laughing and looked for the dream book. 📗

Three numbers: 679 (which I didn't need to look up because everyone knows it's the number for the dead); 351 was the number for "daddy", and 756 was the number for "money".

Playing the lottery isn't my thing but I do dream numbers sometimes and pass them on to friends and family.

This time I meant to tell Baby Bliss to play the set of numbers mentioned above. Well, I forgot. And guess what? The daytime number that day was 657. If she had played it, the winnings would have been a minimum of $40 for what we call "50 cents boxed" back home.

In this state, they call it something else but the payout is the same. Other combinations of play/payout: NC Pick 3 Payout - Jan 22, 2019.

Hysterically funny because daddy was a numbers runner in his early youth.

Thank you daddy for looking out for your girls but we slept that one. We'll get it next time so come on back! 😅💕😂

873.

Daddy, I still can't believe you're gone. I miss you much more than I thought I would. 💔

But I'm getting along. I only cry sometimes.

I'm hanging out with a friend today, a gentleman we used to attend church with. You and he would have gotten along well. He's a cool guy, very smart and down to earth with a wide variety of interests.

We're going to an afternoon meditation group then lunch. It should be a good afternoon. 😃

More later... 💋

872.

Daddy died. 💔