790.

Good morning everyone and Happy Monday.

I hope everyone is doing well.

I'm doing as well as I can, under the circumstances.

So much going on...

This is a very emotional time for me and I'm crying as I write this post.

Uppermost in my mind is my dad.

We just rang off. I also talked to him yesterday.

He sounded better physically today than yesterday. His voice was stronger, his responses were faster, and he seemed to be in better spirits overall.

But mentally he's still in a warp of some sort. He has a medical procedure scheduled for the end of August and it's worrying him terribly. Each time I've talked to him in the past several weeks, he's brought up the procedure and has told me it was scheduled for "next week".

One time I talked to him and he was crying. It was heart-breaking to hear my dad cry and I cried too. He told me to look after his wife if anything happened to him.

His wife later told me that he thought he would die during the procedure.

I am so thankful to have had my dad for 50 years. But I am aware that he grows older and more frail by the day. I'm sure his recent heart attack and subsequent stroke did nothing to improve his condition.

In addition, my (maternal) grandmother -- who helped raise me -- has also faced recent health challenges that slowed her down tremendously.

Two of the people who influenced my childhood, and therefore helped shape me, are fading away slowly.

I know we can't live forever but are we ever ready to lose the people we love?

Hopefully no one is dying tomorrow but I know they're going and I know there's nothing I can do to prepare myself.

This too is part of life...

Once again I'm asking you all, my virtual friends and family, to uplift me in prayer and positive thoughts and send positive and healing energy my way.

I need it.

Thank you all in advance.

Amen.

789.

Today's observation:


When people make promises but don't keep them, they're just being who they are.

Sometimes they aren't aware. Sometimes they are.

La vida...

788.

Happy Thursday everyone!

It's been a whirlwind two weeks for me.

Glutton for punishment that I am, I re-visited the Hunk.

Literally.

Twice.

Yes, yes, yes. I know.

I probably shouldn't have.  😆

But I thought it was worth making sure.

And it was.

I am now sure we are not meant to be. Not in the way he or I had hoped for. 😐

At times like this, I am reminded of how thankful I am to have had Mr. Bliss in my life.

He taught me so much about love and what's acceptable and what is not.

He was a man who stood proud and tall, although his physical stature was only 5' 7".

Not proud in the sense of "Pride goeth before a fall". (Although we did have a few incidences of that during our relationship. 😆)

Mr. Bliss took a quiet and humble pride in being who he was: a man who loved unconditionally, a man of peace and reconciliation, a man of compassion who very rarely had anything derogatory or harsh to say about another living thing.

He was a happy man, always meeting folk with a smile or a grin.

He was also a mature man who about 99 percent of the time displayed actions that were in line with his chronological age.

One of the (many) things I loved about Mr. Bliss was that he never went to bed mad at me, without kissing me good night and telling me he loved me.

It didn't matter who committed the "offense". Before he closed his eyes, he wanted me to know that he loved me. And he didn't hold grudges.

He was love, forgiveness, unselfishness personified. Again, that was about 99 percent of the time. 😉He was no angel but I know now that he was as close to it on this earth as I've ever experienced.

I won't harp on anything further here, at least not now.

I drove home this morning and I'm tired. I might need a nap soon.

What I will say is that I know, I know, I know this for sure: a person who doesn't love himself (regardless of the reason) will love not you. It's not possible. 😞

For my readers who will never give up on finding the romantic partner who sets their soul ablaze (as I won't), I say this: never forget to love yourself and delight in your own company. It is paramount to your existence, your peace, your happiness. 💕

While my brief interlude with the Hunk left me disappointed, I am not disheartened.

You, my faithful readers, should know by now that "Resilience" is truly my middle name.

I believe, I believe, I believe that the heretofore absent Lover I seek is seeking me too. One day we'll be at the same place at the same time and rainbows will appear in the sky as our eyes meet.

😊🌈🌈😊

And we'll live a life of extraordinary and exquisite enchantment.

Until then, the dance continues...

Amen.

787.

Something beautiful I came across this morning:

The Red Thread by Jennifer Grant

786.

Good morning everyone.

It's been a long week for me and I'm exhausted but it's time to hip y'all to more details of my latest adventure.

First,  I came home last night because it really was time to get outta Dodge. There is nothing like the comfort of being surrounded by the things that are familiar and welcoming and I remain ever thankful to have my own roof to return to.

Ya know, the world is full of all kinds of people and I seem to meet the most interesting of the bunch. Lucky me. 🤓

The gentleman with whom I spent the past week was definitely in that group.

The healer in me understands why we met.

He is a man in crisis although he is unaware.

From the anecdotes he shared with me, I believe his past work history (military and law enforcement) and traumatic events in his childhood have severely damaged his world view as well as his psyche.

However I also believe he is a kind and loving man because he was able to genuinely able to express those actions and emotions for, to, and with me.

He is lonely and believes being in a romantic relationship will help fill in the blanks in his life. On the surface it appears so. But our time spent together went deeper than the surface, whether or not he realized it, and I was able to see him.

A real conundrum. A sad one as well.

He needs help but it's not my assignment. I'm not that kind of healer, thank God.

Perhaps my role was just to uncover those scabs, to give him an inkling that healing is needed. I don't know...

We are who we are, this I do know. And I try not to judge people harshly because I am included in that "we" as well. I know we should not be looked down upon for being different from her or him or they.

But if we are to heal, we must be willing to seek out and acknowledge the parts of us that are "different" enough to isolate us (or cause us to isolate) in unhealthy ways and for unhealthy reasons. If we can't do this, regardless of the reason, we will remain stuck in whatever rut we've ground ourselves into.

My prayers for him as he moves forward: that he's one day able to see that his soul needs soothing on a deeper level than being in a relationship can provide.

I don't want y'all to think that my visit was a bad one. It wasn't. We got along well and he treated me very well when he was able to maintain his... sense of reality and... rationality.

We went to the gym, the grocery store, the mall, downtown to stroll... He cooked for me, ran me soothing baths for my sore muscles, even shampooed my hair one day.

We both love music and have an affinity for vinyl. One of the most interesting days we had was the day we went to the record store, had drinks at that world-famous coffee chain, strolled downtown, then headed home to listen to the crisp and undistorted hisses and pops that make vinyl so good to the ear.

I wish things could have worked out between us, even in friendship. Maybe one day...

However today I must tend to me. A few days ago there was a tickle in my throat. It progressed to a sore throat joined by a stuffy nose and coughing. Now I'm having full-fledged "dirty filter" or "dirty vent" syndrome: I'm expelling ugly mucous from nose and throat.

Thank God for oil of oregano. It was the only thing that helped me sleep last night.

More later...

785.

Hello folks and happy Tuesday.

Today has been an emotional roller coaster for me. I've cried at least three times today, possibly more.

I guess it's just that time of the month.

I'm still on my extended visit with my latest suitor and I'm enjoying our time together. We talked about extending my visit indefinitely but I'm thinking tomorrow will be the day to head home.

Too much of a good thing is not a good thing, ya know?

I also know how I get when my hormones are surging uncontrollably. Not the most pleasant or level-headed-person to be around.

And like the old folk say, "Don't overstay your welcome".

Toodles for now...

784.

Update:

So I'm still awake (barely) in my room at the Hunk's. I've been talking to Baby Bliss and texting with her, my mom, and my sista in Arizona.

I assume the Hunk is asleep in his room on the other side of the house. He was tired around 11 p.m. (me too); we said good night in the living room at 11:30.

We've had a long day and I think neither of us got much sleep last night although we retired to our separate quarters fairly early.

We also got up early.

It was six-ish when I heard him moving about.

Not wanting to be the bad house guest, I got up soon after. We lounged on the sofa, talked about potential plans for the day and watched the big screen. Finally it was time to get ready so we could head out for breakfast.

After breakfast (at Cracker Barrel), we headed back here for a brief sit-down before we headed to the movie theater.

We saw "Baby Driver", a movie that made me gasp, scream, curse, and laugh out loud. It was pretty good though not what I expected. I think the Hunk enjoyed it too.

After the movie we made a short pit stop at the house again then headed to the mall. But the weather got bad and so did the traffic. We decided to head back home with a stop at Walmart along the way for a few items.

We got home some time after 5 p.m., just in time to start dinner and avoid me succumbing to a low-glucose incident.

He cooked delicious pork chops for us both. My side item was mixed veggies with extra corn. He had something similar but from a different package because his corn came with a seasoned sauce of some sort.

Fancy.

While he cooked dinner I showered and changed into my loungewear because I was tired and we had no plans for anything other than dinner and chilling at the house.

After we ate, I washed dishes then we talked and watched a few things on telly. By 11 p.m. he was ready to turn in and so was I.

He said he's waking me up at 6 a.m.

I hope he was joking. Last night I tossed and turned all night. I need a restful night if I'm gonna function later today (Saturday).

Not that we'll be doing much. It's supposed to rain most of the day which might keep us in (which is fine with me).

He seems to think we need to be out and about the whole time I'm here but for me this is like a mini-vacation. My vacations are usually laid back, with nothing happening on a set schedule, not even meals.

He's ex-military so I guess the strict time thing is still part of his overall lifestyle.

Any way folks, I'm nodding.

Ciao!