849.

I checked the line up for my neighborhood theater.

Nothing I want to see today.

But "Mamma Mia! Here We Go Again" is coming soon. I think I'll wait for that one.

Time for lunch y'all! 🍉🍔🍗🍝

848.

Good morning and Happy Tuesday folks!

I hope everyone is somewhere safe and peaceful. 🌺

I'm relaxing this morning, watching "Dateline" and contemplating a movie because it's "Cheap-Movie Tuesday" in my region. 🎥

So, the promised information about resiliency...

I can't seem to find the specific article I was thinking of but I did find other information that interested me. Some is scientific research, some "other".

Perhaps you'll find something here that will interest you as well.

1.  In Brief: The Science of Resilience
2. What is Resilience? (This is an online PDF file so I'm not sure if it links correctly. If the link doesn't work, try this one What is Resilience? and look to the left for the red box that says "Download PDF".)
3. What is Resilience? (This is a really short definition, by the Resilience Research Centre. Lots to see here, on their website.)
4. Five Science-Backed Strategies to Build Resilience
5. How to Build Resilience in Midlife 

While I think of resiliency as a gift, from what I've read, it is a life skill that can be learned by anyone.

If you know anyone who could benefit from developing the life skill of resiliency, please share these resources with them.

847.

Good morning and Happy Happy Monday folks.

I hope everyone is somewhere safe, peaceful.

I woke up this morning from a dream I can't recall at the moment.

Perhaps I'll remember it later.

Any who, right now I want to clarify something from the last post.

It was not meant to devalue anyone's feelings, emotions, or the way anyone deals with challenges in their lives.

I understand that we are all different in how we process life's events.

I know everyone is not given the... gift of resiliency and I remain thankful for it.*

Life can be difficult for some. It is difficult for some. Sometimes it's difficult for me.

Mr. Bliss used to say one of the reasons he loved me so much was because I was one of the most compassionate people he knew, that I had the biggest heart.

I believe this is true.

It's possible that my compassion for others comes as a result of "knowing what it's like"... I'm not sure.

There have been more than a few occurrences in my life that could have broken me. There may still be more to come.

What I know is that I survived everyone of them. Changed perhaps but still here and hopefully evolving into my best self.

Regardless of what has happened or what may happen, I need to keep positive thoughts and energy flowing even if circumstances seem to dictate otherwise.

I recognize that some people, for any number of reasons, are unable to do this.

They are the fragile among us.

God bless them and my prayers are that they receive the assistance they need to maneuver their paths.

Amen.

🌸 🌸 🌸

* I read an article about resiliency one day... what it is, how it happens. I'll see if I can find it and link to it.

846.2

Good evening folks.

Almost bed time here. I'm getting slee-e-e-e-e-e-epy!

And now, not to waste any time lest I nod off, let's get to the reason for this post: why I think I had the dream I detailed in post 846.

Last week I received a text one afternoon from The-Man-in-Waiting asking, "Why did you do me like that? Why?"

Seriously? 😵

I ignored it.

He has a right to whatever he's feeling. And I have a right to let sleeping dogs lie. And snore. For eternity.

I could have answered him but I chose not to. Nothing I say will make him feel better because nothing I say will be what he wants to hear.

In the evening hours of the same day, The-Man-in-Waiting called me. Twice. Back-to-back. 😕

I couldn't have answered if I wanted to. His number is no longer stored in my phone so it goes straight to my voicemail via the call blocker module of the antivirus software I use.

The next afternoon he called again. He left no voicemails. I only knew he called because all calls register on my call log, regardless of personal approval rating.

So although he and I shared no verbal or written conversation, he had intruded upon my peace and insinuated himself into my subconscious. 😔

That's why, metaphorically speaking, I believe the place I was leaving in the dream could have been his place.

And the rest: all the walking; the mud; the anxiety about the walls possibly falling down on me and trapping me; the two rings of brick surrounding the basement room...

So much symbology in dreams, representations of things that escape our conscious thoughts in waking life. Things we shoo away and force into boxes that get tucked away in cobwebby corners in the backs of our minds...

Later it also came to me that I had also recently had a dream with The-Man-in-Waiting actually in it. I remembered that it happened on Wednesday, the day I was so tired that I had to lay down in bed for a nap. I had the dream right before I awoke.

In the dream, I'm not sure if we actually talked but the phone was involved. He wanted me to come back to him, to start over and pretend like everything was okay. Or perhaps he'd forgotten what happened. Possible also is that in the dream, nothing untoward had happened.

That part is unclear.

I do remember waking and thinking that would never happen and wondering why I had had the dream. It's rare for me to dream about the men I date.

The real-life text and the first two calls came a couple of days later; the third call, a day after the first two.

What he thinks I did, I don't know. We all filter our realities through the veil of our own life experience, expectations, etc., so there's that.

I can tell y'all this: The "why me" or "why does this always happen to me" mentality is a no-no in my world.

Shit happens because shit happens. 💩💩💩

Call it karma, kismet, fate, The Drawing of the Three, the Red String... whatever.

It's all Life.

As much as I like to believe I know why some particular thing happened, I also know I could be totally wrong because I cannot possibly be privy to every single piece of whatever puzzle I might be focused on.

As much as we want it to, it just doesn't work that way.

And who says it should?

Becoming an Optimistic Realist is freeing. It's also frustrating. But it allows me to ground myself with the knowledge that no matter how much insight God gives me, some shit just ain't my business.

Having said that, I keep The-Man-in-Waiting in the subconscious prayer chamber along with everyone else who is no longer part of my daily conscious thoughts but who is "standing in the need of prayer".

As well, I pray for me, because as the song says: It's not my sister, it's not my brother. It's me oh Lord standing in the need of prayer.*

Because truly, there but for the grace of God, go I. Where ever "there" may be...

Amen.

🌸 🌸 🌸

* There are several versions of this song. I happen to like the more upbeat versions.

I found one on YouTube. Take a listen.

Sweet dreams y'all.

846.

Good morning and Happy Happy Sunday folks!

I hope everyone is somewhere safe.

I woke up from a busy dream.

Lots of movement.

(Actually there were several dreams but I only remember the one I woke from.)

I was literally dragging baggage. 👝👜

Initially I had some sort of wheeled thing to drag my bags on. At some point it changed to me just dragging my bags. One was my real-life blue and black travel bag. The other two appeared to be purses but I can't say I've ever seen them in my purse collection.

So I was dragging these bags, walking up the road, leaving someone's home (I believe).

(Aside: I think this dream was brought on by a couple of things that happened this past week. More on that later.*)

I got to a neighborhood that was still under construction.

The street was very wide. It was also blocked in the direction I was headed so I had to walk on the sidewalk that consisted of mud and chips of lumber. On both sides, there were high walls made of the mud and lumber.

I became paranoid at one point, worried that the walls might fall in on me. (But only on the side I was walking on. The street really was wide.)

On the far side of the street, there seemed to be a few houses built into the mud and timber but I wasn't sure because they were shadowy and high up. I remember thinking I would never want a house like those. They looked eerie and dangerously perched.

I kept walking. Eventually I came to some finished homes. 🏠 They were made of dark bricks that looked like they were made of... mud and timber.

I kept walking and came to another blockage. The only way out was through.

Two blond-haired kids -- a young boy 👦 and a young girl 👧 -- came out of the house blocking the way. They showed me to a door and led me inside.

Inside was a big room with a low ceiling. I think we were in the basement of one of the houses. There were lots of adults in the room. They seemed to be busy but I didn't see them actually doing anything.

An African-American woman came over, smiling. We talked about how the kids had brought me, a stranger, in and how we hoped our own kids wouldn't do anything similar.

The kids beckoned, led me to an opening in the brick that led to outside. But we were still under the house so not fully outside.

The opening was rectangular-shaped and I managed to squeeze through but there seemed to be an inner and outer ring of brick surrounding the basement so I had to get beyond the second ring to actually be outside.

I came to a opening I couldn't get out of but the kids appeared and led me to an area eventually got me outside and to a gate where a blond woman  👩 (their mom?) waited for them in what I think was a parking lot.

They said goodbye to me and left with her.

I continued walking. (Why didn't I get a ride with these folks?)

I arrived at a (downtown?) hotel 🏨 that spanned two cylindrical (?) buildings joined on the second or third floor.

The outside/drive up area leading to check-in was covered on top but open on either side. The doorman (an older African-American gentleman) was closing the doors of a taxi that he'd just acquired for a group of men dressed in suits and ties.

I walked over to him and asked if he could get me an inexpensive taxi to the airport. ✈

He suggested I get the shuttle. 🚐  He called over a younger male hotel employee (also African-American) and told him to take me to So-and-So's office so I could get shuttle information.

The young man and I went up the steps into the hotel. En route to So-and-So's office, we stopped at the vending machine in the employee area.

There were lots of snacks. 🍩🍪🍫🍬 I specifically recall seeing a package of the small powdered donuts I love and gum.

We had a funny conversation about the gum (as I stuck a few packs in my purse) then continued on our way.

Whether or not I made it to the airport remains a mystery because that's when I woke up. 😞

🌸 🌸 🌸

*Stay tuned for the rest...

845.

Does anyone remember this post: 340: sally?

It's an oldie.

I looked for it to see if there was any follow up because my neighbor and I had a conversation about the movie last night.

She didn't remember the movie and I couldn't recall the name although I know I have since I wrote that post several years ago.

The movie (which has since been remade): Don't Be Afraid of the Dark.

Have any of you seen it?

If you like 70s scary movies, check it out.

Some how... 

844.

It's a beautiful day here.

I'm thankful.

Amen.

843.

Goooooood morning and Happy Happy Saturday folks!

I do hope everyone is somewhere safe.

Fingers crossed that no one stepped on any cracks or whistled indoors yesterday! 😜

It is Saturday morning here, in my tiny part of the globe. But maybe it's not where you are?

If it isn't, Happy Happy Happy _____day and good afternoon or evening to you! 💋

So, my Friday evening was pleasant.

I had dinner with my neighbor. She cooked hamburgers, chili, and baked beans. We also had fixings for a green salad, starting with the six or seven types of salad dressing she lined up on the table. There was also Cole slaw, chopped onions, sliced tomatoes, gherkins, shredded cheese, and several types of sliced cheese.

We laughed and chatted while we ate then watched telly until she nodded off a few times. I got drowsy too and she encouraged me to nod off on her sofa, a nice gesture but I wanted to get home and into my comfy loungewear so I could loll about properly.

Shortly after I got in, I tuned into Dateline. The special topic was the Jonestown massacre of November 18, 1978, a tragedy that has both haunted and fascinated me since it happened. 😕

Haunted me because I always felt that if I had been living in San Francisco during that era, there is a chance I could have been swept into that madness.

Let me explain:

When I was 9 or 10, I somehow became obsessed with the idea that I had been born in the wrong era and should have been a flower child out in the (California) Bay Area. Maybe I had seen too many movies or something. I don't know...

But I was enamored with all things San Francisco, anything hippy-esque. And I thought of running away, to San Francisco. Seriously. (As discussed in post 176.)

Then came the headlines about Jonestown, Guyana, The Peoples Temple, mass suicide...

I was devastated when I learned the details, gleaned from newspapers and news reports. I felt personally impacted, sickened, when I saw images of the bodies and bodies and bodies, laying out in the Guyana heat and sun, a place so far and alien from anything I could imagine, from the free and loving vibe of San Francisco.

There was no laptop then, no desktop (for me), no Google. All I had was the library and any place I could buy a newspaper.

I remember clipping every article and bit of information about it, a whole expandable file full. It must have gotten lost before or after I moved out of my mom's because it's been missing for over 35 years.

In the 40 years since the tragedy in Guyana, I have read many books on the subject, seen quite a few documentaries on the topic, even seen television shows and movies about it.

I have also discovered too many websites to list, but this one is my favorite because it's the most comprehensive of all that I've found and is a dynamite gateway for anyone who wants to learn more about the history of the Peoples Temple and all that is currently know about what led up to the Jonestown massacre: Alternative Considerations of Jonestown & Peoples Temple.

My prayers for everyone still living who is affected by the ugliness that became Jonestown.

My prayers...

842.

Happy Friday the 13th folks!

I hope everyone is somewhere safe. And lucky. 😉

Any readers superstitious?

Yes? No? Maybe?

I am and I'm not. Most things "superstitious" are funny and interesting to me. I don't believe in them per se, but the history and people who do believe in them fascinate me.

Friday the 13th is thought of as an unlucky day in some quaint villages. Every Friday the 13th, which happens at least once a year. Some years have two. Some even have three. 😱

Click on the link for more info: When is Friday the 13th?

Do we know why Friday the 13th is considered unlucky?  😐

Let's check it out...

I like this one: Why is Friday the 13th unlucky?

And this one: Why is Friday 13th considered unlucky?

Superstitions, old wives tales, myths... They all started somewhere.

Here are a couple of websites to check out when you have time: Timeless Myths and 55 Weird Superstitions from Around the World.

🌸 🌸 🌸

In other news, it's a chill day for me.

I had planned to do a whole To-Do List full of things today and I woke up in the mood to go out. But I began doing Other Things and before I knew it, I lost the impetus to put on "outside" clothes.

Which is fine. There is nothing urgent that I need to attend to beyond my front porch.

I'm thankful. 🙏🏽

So far, today has been dedicated to: tidying up inside and out, listening to the telly, online crossword puzzles, texting with my neighbor, talking with a potential new suitor, visiting with Baby Bliss and her fiancé, eating, and watching the sky go from sunny and blue to white cloud cover.

I've also been playing on Glidden's website, picking out cool paint shades and virtually painting my (new) bedroom.

Which brings me to my latest challenge.

I have officially moved into Baby Bliss' old bedroom. She's taken bunches of her stuff already but much more remains in the closet and dresser drawers.

Some stuff (curtains, throw rug, art work) has been removed and replaced. The curtains are now white with purple flowers (and green stems). The current dressers (two) are a match for the curtains.

There are still things to be removed from the walls but I'm stalling because those walls need painting. But summer isn't the best time to paint where I live because of high humidity.

Sooooo looks like the painting will commence around... October.

Can I wait that long? 😟🤔🙄😬😶

Did I ever mention that I've only painted twice in my life? The first time was eight or nine years ago, helping a friend who had just moved to a new apartment. It was fun.

The second time I painted was here, February or March of 2017. Just a small panel, maybe 40 inches wide by seven or eight feet high. It's the wall as you walk into my (new) bedroom. After several years of Baby Bliss walking in and out of that room, the wall had gotten a bit dingy.

 What I didn't know when I went to buy the paint is that every shade of white isn't the same. Some are "white-ish". 😄 It didn't matter to me because I was only painting that small stand-alone section.

Surprised by how much fun I had painting in my own place (and the amount of paint leftover), I began looking for other areas to cover. One of them was the small section of wall next to my front door.

After that it was baseboards and other (small) areas that needed covering. Eventually I used most of the quart and began thinking about perhaps adding color to one of the walls in my (old) bedroom. Then I realized I didn't want to move furniture 😐 and the fantasy faded.  😝

Well folks, I should find outside clothes to put on. The sun has reappeared and I have a lunch invitation from my favorite neighbor. She's gonna make me a burger any way I want it. 🍔😋

Nothing like good neighbors to help make life special. 😁

More later y'all.

In the mean time, don't walk under any ladders today!  😆

841.

Happy, happy Tuesday y'all!

I hope everyone is somewhere safe...

Well folks, I vacuumed yesterday. And yes, the itching ceased.

Oh Happy Day!  😄

Yesterday was quiet.

I cooked: ribs, sweet potato, baked beans. I also "made" a cucumber thingie, my version of a recipe I saw online.

It was simple: apple cider vinegar, olive oil, a bit of my pink salt, a few sprinkles of an Italian blend of spices. I mixed the ingredients into a small bowl then sliced three mini cucumbers into the bowl. Next I put the bowl into the fridge to chill until I fixed my plate.

It was all really tasty.  Looking for a photo now...

Found it. 😋

Just finished warming up the leftovers and I'm enjoying them now.

840.

Good morning and Happy Monday y'all!  😀

It's a beautiful sunny day here.  🌞 The sky is a gorgeous shade of blue and I can't see a cloud anywhere.

Not that I'm looking for any clouds but it is summer which means a thunderstorm ⛈ is likely as evening gets closer.

Not that it's close to evening. It's not yet noon here.

Still, I'm just saying...  😄

Any who, today I'm here to write about a concern I am currently experiencing: itching. 😩

It didn't start until I sat on the floor in front of my sofa. And it started with my left (outer) thigh and hip. Now it' seems to be spreading.

The floor in front of the sofa is my favorite place to sit in my whole apartment. One reason is because while the sofa is comfy for sleeping, sitting on it is just awkward and the floor is spacious. I can spread everything I need all around me: food, paper(s), books, yarn, etc.

The sofa is old and the springs are shot. So I jerry rigged it with a wooden board and some old bed pillows. It looks okay but just isn't comfy for sitting.

I really really really need to get a new sofa. I also really really really need a friend with a pick up truck. Because this old sofa has to go bye bye and the new one needs to get here safely.

So back to the itching...

I believe it's because I may have taken my duties as Sustainable Citizen a bit too far. 😔

When Baby Bliss moved out, she left about 10 pillows on her old bed.

Seriously.

Some of them are quite flat. I didn't want to toss them and I have quite enough bolstering the sofa so I needed to figure out something else.

I Googled and Googled and Googled. All the websites I visited seemed to have the same five or 10 ideas. Okay...

One of the ideas was to re-use whatever stuffing was found inside the pillow.

I decided my bedrest pillow could use more filling. So I cut the store-cover off of one of the old pillows and pulled out the stuffing.

As I was pulling it apart (while watching one of my favorite movies, Jet Li's "The One"), I began to notice tiny white fibers covering everything dark in the vicinity.  😟

Ummm... Ewwww. 😱

I was almost done by then so I kept at it until the bedrest pillow was fully fluffed.

Then I got the lint roller and rolled every surface within a few feet of where my work had taken place.

Silly me for thinking I'd get it all. Now I know I need to vacuum because I'm itching like crazy!  😩

839.

Thank you Christopher Walken. You get it.

838.

Baby Bliss is taking me to lunch today. 🍔🍚🍤🍰🍱🍣🍮🍜

Gotta get ready!  😊

By the way, did I mention that Baby Bliss is engaged? 💍

And they're buying a home this week.  🏰

God is good.  🙏🏽

Amen. 😊

837.

How-do folks!

I hope everyone is enjoying their day in the best way possible.

Saturday at my house:

It started out early. I woke up before 7:30 a.m. and I do believe I was laughing.

Great start to a dreary day. (Heavy cloud, no rain...)

There is a widow's event scheduled for today, at a venue a few hours away. Initially I declined attending. But Baby Bliss suggested I go, to get out of the house, because today is Mr. Bliss' birthday.

So I said "maybe".

Mr. Skittish lives in the vicinity of the venue. He called me Thursday and I asked if I could sleep over at his place Friday evening. He said he was out of town, scheduled to return Saturday evening but to call him Saturday morning.

Well, I forgot to call him this morning but he called me a few minutes ago to ask my plans for today.

He's still out of town but no big deal. We've had a lot of rain near me and in his town as well. There has also been a lot of flooding in both areas.

Also, I didn't want to get out of bed this morning. So I snuggled under my soft blanket and cried a little about Mr. Bliss.

Then my momma called and a discussion ensued about my most recent dating dilemma. After we rang off, I felt like rising and shining.

So here I am, watching telly, reading, blogging, and thinking about crocheting. I've been eating as well. Chips and cheese. Junk.

Nothing delicious and healthy in here. Scratch that. There's fruit. Frozen fruit. It will need to go in the blender with fresh water.

That I don't have.

I do have a Brita pitcher. Fresh water will be mine after I change the filter.

But not right now. I feel a nod coming.

I think I'll succumb to a mid-day snooze.

Happy birthday Mr. Bliss! 🎂🎂  🎉🎉🎉 🎂🎂 I'm thankful for the years we had together. Until we meet again, I'll see you in my dreams. 🍹

Later folks.

836.

Good evening everyone.

I hope all reading are somewhere safe and sound.

It's been mostly quiet today chez Bliss.

There was a bit of excitement when a neighbor called to request a pick-up from the supermarket. She is my absolute favorite neighbor so of course I said yes.

Also, I wasn't doing anything particular and the market is only a few minutes' drive down the street.

Other than ferrying my neighbor home, I: watched telly, read a few pages of one of the books I'm currently reading, crocheted, did laundry, attempted to stop my toilet from running, fixed the stuck doorknob on my storage unit...

So, a mostly quiet day. 😁

835.

More sad news:

Mr. Quince is in hospital, literally fighting for his life.

I learned a week ago from one of his family members that he was in hospital. A few days later I learned how serious it was.

He had to have an amputation as a complication of his diabetes. He also has cancer that has metastasized from its original location.

La vida...

My prayers are with him, for health and healing.

834.

Happy Thursday y'all. I hope everyone is safe and happy.

This will be a long melancholy post. 😔 So much has happened in a few days' time...

So I met the Man-in-Waiting earlier this week. We had a 48-hour visit.

Unfortunately, the experience was a huge let down.  💔

In the years that I've been dating as a widow, I have come across a lot of men who self-medicate in various ways and for a number of reasons. It always saddens me.

We are all souls evolving at our own pace, sometimes stuck in holding patterns because of past pain and trauma that we haven't yet learned to process in healthy ways.

People who self-medicate are attempting to run from that pain by any means necessary. Regardless of how they present, they can not be relied upon because they are ultimately controlled by the
"medications".

People who self-medicate while on prescription meds... Well, that's what I consider a whole nother something. It's is a sign of ugly things to come. Accidental overdose, driving mishaps, money mishaps, relationship drama...

I know what it's like to live with the residue of dependency/addiction. I had two husbands who overcame their dependence on self-medicating (both before I met them). I also have many family members who have done the same.

The behaviors that go with the practice, that allowed the practice to continue, need to be overcome as well. Those behaviors do have a tendency to linger...

Both those husbands struggled with those behaviors daily, mostly successfully but sometimes not.

A person living with active dependence/addiction needs help.

One drink here and there, a joint every other weekend or so... Those are occasional excursions. But for addicts, there is no "occasional". They are either in or out, all or nothing.

Weekend warriors who stay sober all week then binge from Friday to Sunday. The every day indulger who can't sleep without the aid of a bottle of something every night.

Some of these people manage to function "normally" in public. We work with them, worship alongside them, send our kids to be taught by them, encounter them as public servants.

If the "secret" becomes known, the addict has a choice: get help or continue their behaviors and practices until they "hit bottom". (See here for what "hitting bottom" means in this context.)

Getting help to end the dependence on self-medicating, comes with great effort. Daily, conscious effort. It's a lifelong commitment to a lifestyle sans mood-altering substances and it can be difficult for some.

If there exists a genetic predisposition for becoming dependent, it exists in my family on both sides and I've seen it from beginning to (sometimes ugly) end up close. I thank God that I did not inherit that trait, that my life remains clean and sober.

So back to the Man-in-Waiting...

In the process of extricating myself from my time with him, the woman who introduced us got involved. I considered her to be one of my best friends and it was at her recommendation that I even entertained the idea of the Man-in-Waiting.

Y'all know where this is going right?  👀

If you said she and I are no longer friends, you're right. When I vented to her about the situation, she turned on me.

There's a saying about friends who do things like that. I don't know what it is off hand but I do know the depths of friendships are revealed in situations like this. Ours had evidently grown shallow enough for wading.

If one of her daughters had told her the same things about a man that I told her about The-Man-in-Waiting, she would have told her child to get away from him as fast as she could and forget about him.

Why was I, a person she proclaimed to be her best friend, not afforded the same latitude?

Aside: So in the past several months, two long-term friends (over 15 years each) are gone from my life.

One (Former Friend #1, or FF1) was mentioned briefly in post 822. I finally stopped responding to her calls and texts, which were usually filled with nasty comments about people she didn't like and the same years-long complaints of disrespectful interactions with her significant other. And she always had snarky things to say about my life and the lives of her other "close" friends.

All these months later, I have not once missed interacting with FF1. There was a brief void but I filled it with other things: reading, crocheting, dating, and eventually meeting new sista-friends. (Thanks Meetup.com!)

To return to the current topic:

I admit that this most recent departure wasn't shocking. Full disclosure: the Man-in-Waiting and my most recent former friend (FF2) are related. So part of me knew going in that if I had to say no to the Man-in-Waiting for any reason, my friendship with FF2 might end. I think I was already prepared for it.

For the past 10 years or so, FF2 has been dealing with both serious medical issues as well as the loss of many close family members. It has all been devastating for her and so she navigates her life with the assistance of medical professionals and prescription meds (some of them psychotropic).

For the most part, she is a kind-hearted, salt-of-the-earth person and I loved her fiercely. I would have walked through a literal fire for her and despite her issues, I would have trusted her with my life. In the past several years she has been inconsistent with communication and some other things but it was never a problem. She was always there when I needed her and I was always available when she needed me. 💕

Although I was the object of her anger in this situation, I think what really angered her is the situation itself.

I see two main scenarios here:

- She was shocked by what I revealed to her about someone she thought she knew, things that she couldn't or didn't want to face about that person. And now that she's been made aware, she has a decision to make: either do something or do nothing.

Tough choice because each comes with its own perils.

Mixing alcohol with prescription meds is an absolute no-no. Doing nothing could be deadly for the family member.

Saying something to the family member could cause alienation. My former friend has already lost a lot of family members and this choice might feel painful.

It's a catch-22. I can only imagine the emotions she's feeling, knowing that the outcome for either choice could be sad for her.

Which I understand. It can be painful to learn that someone you held in high esteem is not the person you thought they were, especially when it involves touchy subjects.

I have had those experiences and they can and do hurt. Learning to accept people for who they really are can be difficult but it goes hand-in-hand with letting go of what no longer serves me, processes I am still learning and will have to implement for the rest of my life, if I am to live my best life.

- Is it also possible that she did know (or suspect) and she was hoping he could hold himself together long enough to make a presentation good enough to hook me and I could help him with the rest? Perhaps she is angry with me, because she thought my insertion into the situation could save this man and it didn't play out as she'd hoped.

I don't know...

What I do know is that FF2 knows I am a healer, a nurturer, loving, and loyal. What she didn't understand is that I would never knowingly involve myself in the chaos I saw in that 48-hour visit with her family member.

Not my circus, not my monkeys.

Ah well...

Life being what it is, the whole truth about FF2 et al. could be something I have no clue about and/or a combination of a number of things.

Part of me is sad. 💔

He and I seemed to have a lot of promise. We shared a lot of important beliefs and interests. And we spoke the same love language (article here 5LL *), which earned him a gold star.

For a brief moment, I was so razzle-dazzled that I was willing to overlook the self-medication. But when I saw the prescription meds added to that mix I was shaken back to reality. 😱

It was like a decades-long relationship had started and fast-forwarded to the end in 48 hours. It would make a great Lifetime movie: boy meets girl, girl learns boy has addictions, boy loses girl. Everyone cries. 😞

Another one added to the "everything that glitters ain't gold" pile... 😩

Hopeless romantic that I am, I am thankful that I remain a realist as well. An optimistic realist. 😄

I know a true friend would not be upset with me for looking out for my own best interests but "friendship" is subjective and as the old saying goes, "Blood is thicker than mud".

My prayer for the Man-in-Waiting is that he face the pain from his past hurts head on and get the assistance that will help him move into health and healing.

My prayer for FF2 is that what she is doing to further her own healing will touch and improve all areas of her life.

My prayer for myself and the rest of the world: that we all move into health and healing for any areas of our lives that need work.

In that vein, I am currently reading "How to Raise Your Vibration" online. It is one of many tools I believe can help us as we travel the path.

🌸 🌸 🌸

On another note, when the heck is the next Mercury retrograde? In the past week, I have heard from two people from my past. One a former sista-friend; the other, this guy: post 794, post 759, post 627 (Fun Young Guy), and post 540.

Why have I blogged about him so often, you ask? Because he remains the most persistent. I'm still not sure why. We met in 2013. It's five years later and I still get calls and texts from him. Most recently, two days ago. 😐

A call and a text. And per his usual, no voicemail. The call and the text were both ignored. Honestly, I just cannot believe he still thinks about me.

Okay, that's not true. At my best I am the Goddess of Love and Light, 💃🏾💞🌟 irresistible to mortal men.  😉 So yes, I shall remain in his thoughts and dreams for eternity.

However, at some point he should have moved on. If not mentally, at least in the real world. We met five years ago and yes, there was a bit of back and forth for a year. Maybe two. Mea culpa.

But the last time we actually communicated, I made it clear that I have zero interest in him. I told him verbally and by text to stop calling and texting me.

Not because I was being mean or nasty. It was because some of our past history involves behavior on his part that was manipulative at times.

*sigh*

Maybe I'm not the only woman from his past that he pesters. I just wish he would stop it. It's gotten tedious.

On that note, it's time to do laundry.

Ciao folks!



* I didn't link to the website because I'm not affiliated with the author or his works. I'm just sharing info that I found useful. I hope it's useful to someone else as well. 😀