Hello and Happy Thursday folks! 🌞
I hope everyone is well and safe. How is your late spring going? Mine is going... 😉
So much to tell y'all... This is gonna be a long one folks.
My mom and I attended the funeral services for my sista-friend's mom.
As an empath, funerals are overwhelming for me. The grief of everyone around me settles into my psyche and the feelings are overpowering.
This funeral was no exception.
I was able to hold my tears until the choir sang a song that broke me. As I rushed from my seat headed for the bathroom, I felt like my heart would burst from my chest.
I won't get into all the details because I can't and so much has happened since then...
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Remember when I said I might skip daddy's June visit? Well, I didn't. I was there with him for a week and went to two doctor's appointments with him. He is doing remarkably well y'all. His nephrologist said daddy was a smidgen away from going on dialysis about a year ago. Literally, Stage 5 kidney disease. Daddy rebounded and is currently holding at Stage 3.
Incredible.
So my lucky daddy has seen his favorite daughter on four separate weekends in the past month. (The third visit was Memorial Day weekend, which I mention below.)
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The guy I've been seeing off and on (but exclusively) since March -- let's call him The Athlete -- asked me to go to a church event with him for Memorial Day weekend. It was in my hometown. So, my
third trip up the road in the month of May...
I drove because he drives every day for a living and I wanted him to be able to relax.
Our first (last?) trip together was mostly a good one. There were a few snafus but that's been the pattern with me and this guy. We are on two opposite ends of a very wide spectrum and I'm not sure what to do with this knowledge. It doesn't bother him (and I'm not sure he fully understands it) and maybe it shouldn't bother me (and sometimes it doesn't) but...
I am still learning to live in the moment but as a Gemini, overanalyzing things is part of my makeup.
We had a two-week break after I showed him the not-so-nice Gemini twin who resides in me. To his credit, although he was thoroughly lambasted by my tongue (whose power was
unleashed with the hormonal madness that can be peri-menopause with a side of aunt-Flo-is-knocking), he never said anything mean or nasty in return.
Honestly, if I had been in my right mind, I could have said those things nicely and with some refinement. But I wasn't. And it started because I felt he'd lied to me about something trivial. He felt he was being truthful.
(Aside: Whenever I feel like a person has lied to me and tried to re-word the scenario to their advantage, I always wonder if s/he would do the same with his/her mother, minister, etc.)
Eventually, I did apologize for being mean and for my funky attitude but I meant everything I said to him. It wasn't kind but it was necessary. It was also true. Shame on me for not biting my tongue instead of hurting his feelings.
He called me this morning (two weeks later) to tell me how he felt about it all. He said he's forgiven me, he still loves me, and he would do anything for me. He said he had held me in such high esteem, and how he'd "shed a few tears" about the incident and us, how my actions had made him feel like I didn't appreciate anything he'd ever done for me...
I told him that I still loved him too and reminded him of how vastly different we are, especially our views on what we think of as love and how to co-exist in a relationship...
It only took me a few weeks into dating him to see exactly how different he and I are, which caused me to break up with him several times over the course of our acquaintance. He won me back because for the most part, he
is a sweetheart. But he's also some things I don't like in a man. Or in human beings in general.
He was talking about marriage... The church he attends... I told him they won't let him marry me and asked if he just wanted to date until one or the other of us found a more suitable match. He said no (of course he did) because he didn't think that was fair. I told him I thought it was more than fair, as long as we were honest about it and not sneaking around with other people.
For the most part, we have fun together. But I can't be serious about him for a number of reasons. Number one being he's not my idea of a "responsible adult".
In some ways, the late Mr. Bliss wasn't either. But I'm no longer the young woman who fell in love with Mr. Bliss. Although Mr. B and I had a strong and magical bond, I now have different requirements when thoughts of long-term commitment and marriage ping around in my head.
Not to say that he didn't mature as time passed, just that the me I am today probably wouldn't have stayed around as long or been as serious when he showed his "youth".
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The past several weeks have been messy for me, both physically and emotionally.
I had another upper respiratory crisis, brought on (I believe) by sleeping in so many places in the past month. (Some people don't know the signs of mold infestation in their living space and some don't seem to know how often to change the filters in their HVAC systems. I am super prone to URIs and both the aforementioned situations will wreak havoc on my health.
Thank God for Kyolic garlic and quercetin with bromelain. I believe both of those supplements brought me back to "healthier" and saved me from another full-on sinus infection. 😷
It hasn't yet been a week since I've gotten back from my June visit with daddy. So maybe I'll skip the July and August visits. Daddy's wife is there with him at the nursing home and he has no doctor's appointments scheduled until early fall.
My birthday is coming and I need a vacation. I really really really want to head to a nice warm Caribbean beach but that last time I flew, I thought my head would explode from the pain of the descent. (Possibly caused by some "residue" of that bad sinus infection I had a few years ago.)
So it looks like I'm gonna take off for a week in the mountains to enjoy the fresh air, sunshine, shopping, and of course, delicious food. 😊
Emotionally I've been awash in tears, tears, tears for the past week or so.
Everything and
nothing is making me cry. 😧 I know it's the hormones but it's driving me crazy! This menopause crap is for the worms, may they take it and bury it in a hole. 🙏🏾
That's all for now folks. I'm headed to the park to sit by the lake with a book, a hook, and some yarn. My weather app says the "RealFeel" weather is 98 degrees so it might be a short outing. 😁
Ciao for now y'all! 👋🏾
