889.

Good morning good people! 💃🏽

I hope everyone is somewhere safe and happy.

Yesterday was busy here. I visited our William (who was still in a little pain but doing better by comparison). Baby Bliss was there, as were his dad and a few other visitors. I didn't stay long because he does need his rest but I wanted to say hello and show support in person as well as pass on well wishes, prayer notifications, etc.

It seems he'll be going home soon for close to a week before he'll be back in hospital for another round of treatment.

Thank you all for your continued prayers for William's healing. 💓

There was also continuation of a project for a client. We are co-creating dynamic new projects for 2020.

🌻 🌻 🌻

And now it's Dream Time!

Today's* dream scenes:

1. At my grandma's old house in our old home town. A man I was involved with (I think) was sleeping in the middle bedroom with me. I think we were in a sleeping bag. We didn't want anyone to know we were sleeping/had slept in the room together because we weren't supposed to sleep together at grandma's so we were vocalizing the lies we could tell if we got caught, to make it seem like one of us had just gotten to the room and hadn't been there all night.

2. We were were in the yard of a friend's home (or maybe it was a family member's home) out in a rural area for a family picnic. Maybe we were too loud for some because some other folk began complaining.

My family said not to worry because the other folk didn't live there but were only renting a nearby property for the day.

My cousin (the mother of the boy from yesterday's post) needed to go potty and found an outhouse. Bernie Mac (may he rest in peace) must have been mad at my cousin because he decided to set all the grass on fire near the outhouse. He also set fire to an abandoned house near the outhouse.

I told him I was gonna call cousin's husband (a big mean guy in waking life) and he (Bernie Mac) would be sorry. He bucked and talked trash, saying he didn't care, etc.

As I called 911, I realized I didn't know the address. 😬

Baby Bliss and I needed to go potty. We went to another home in the area and began exploring. When we were leaving, a young couple came to the door, trying to get in. I think they were with the "rental" folk. Baby Bliss pulled out a knife of some kind and as the young couple tried to walk into the house, she used the knife to manipulate the lock on the inside of the door so the door wouldn't open from the outside.

Before she pulled the door to, I realized I was barefoot and ran back in. My shoes were nowhere in sight but I did see a cute pair of chunky Dr. Scholl-type shoes on the floor just past the living room. I said to myself, "Cute" but still wondered where my shoes were.

3. I was on the front porch of a house with my friend R. (In waking life, I haven't seen her since last year. She is part of my intentional family, like K., who visited us over the 4th of July holiday. At one time the three of us worked together.)

R. and I were waiting for her youngest son to return to the porch. There was a huge cat perched on the porch railing. I played with kitty's luxurious fur while we waited and R. told me how much they loved kitty. Her son returned with his new kitten.


(*Usually my dreams take place on the same day I blog about them because I rarely go to sleep before midnight, with some exceptions of course.)

888.

(I began writing this in the early morning on Wednesday, Nov. 7, 2019 and finished right before posting today. I didn't finish or post it yesterday because I got sidetracked.)

Good morning everyone.

I hope this will be a safe and wonderful day for everyone.

I'm feeling optimistic this morning after learning that our William's new pain meds have given him some respite. 🙌🏾  I'm praying it's a viable solution for the long-term. 🙏🏾

Thank you all for your continued prayers. 💗

🌻 🌻 🌻

Seems I haven't blogged about my dreams in a while. One reason is because I went through a period of being able to recall only snippets of them. It was very frustrating because my dreams are such an integral part of my life that I felt off balance.

My dreams during that period were as action-packed, vivid, and revealing as ever but I couldn't remember the details, only snatches of shadowy images. 😩

Well, I'm happy to say that I once again have enough recall to make me feel whole again. 😀

A quick and dirty rundown (because today will be busy) of what I recall at this moment:


- Monday's dreams:

1. I was in a school being chased by a bear. As I rounded hallways, I shouted to everyone that a bear was coming, that they should run or hide. There were small children in the halls. I'm not sure who ran or hid because I didn't look back.

2. I got to my mom's (the apartment I grew up in, in waking life) and dropped my purse on the floor. As I was closing her front door, I realized someone was after me. I decided to climb down the balconies (three stories up from the ground) to get away. I realized my car keys were in my purse and went to retrieve it, so who ever was after me couldn't steal my car and just in case I needed the car to further my getaway. I woke up before I made it all the way down.


- Wednesday's dream:

1. There were supposed to be three of us (myself, Baby Bliss, and someone I don't remember) going to Paris. I realized we hadn't packed and went in search of suitcases. We were at my grandma's old house in our hometown. All the suitcases were in her basement.

I asked what time we needed to get to the airport (5:30). In the next scene Baby Bliss and I were at an evening church service when I remembered we needed to be at the airport. My watch said 5:17 p.m. and I panicked a bit.


- This morning's dream:

I was on a city bus. A pregnant woman got on and stood in the aisle while waiting for someone to help her to a seat. A man who didn't know her helped her and sat next to her. They conversed in Spanish (she thanked him for helping her, he acknowledged). The bus driver told the man that the woman spoke English. The woman and man spoke a few words to each other in accented English then resumed their conversation in Spanish.

The bus became a tour bus and one of the other passengers was the ex of Baby Bliss's godmother. When our bus arrived at our destination, someone had to remind me to get my belongings from the overhead bin.

I disembarked and saw one of my cousin's (adult) sons. He began throwing rocks at me, saying he wanted me to be his friend. One of the rocks hit me on the shoulder and I threatened him with bodily harm if I was hit again.

I was in a kitchen with someone, looking down at a huge grassy area below. I saw my cousin's son again, running from a kangaroo. He stopped and I thought the kangaroo would attack him. He (and another young man) began singing in hauntingly beautiful voices.

🌻 🌻 🌻

That's it for now folks. Time to skedaddle. Wishing you all a beautiful day!

K.

887.

Hello everyone.

I hope you all are somewhere safe and happy today.

I'm doing my best despite the hits that seem to keep coming.

Today I visited our William in hospital, where he's been since last week.

Our young man has experienced a few setbacks since his diagnosis. We learned that his medical condition is more serious than what we knew prior to the start of his hospital stay.

Additionally, on the day he went to hospital to start his treatment, he broke a bone several hours later. (In hospital.) The start of his treatment had to be delayed by a day while the medical professionals tried to figure out what was causing excruciating pain with the slightest movement or touch.

Thankfully he was able to start treatment on Tuesday. Eventually the doctors learned of the broken bone but it took another few days to get his pain managed enough to get a cast on him. The best option would have been a surgical repair but that's not a current option for him because it would have further delayed the treatment he needs for the more serious condition.

As well, pain management in general has been difficult to maintain and they've had to adjust and change his pain meds and dosages quite a few times in the past week.

It is heart wrenching to see a loved one suffer so. We're all praying for the best outcome for this whole ordeal.

🌼 🌼 🌼

Today was my third (grief) therapy session. Coupled with phone therapy that I've been utilizing with one of the resources I was given, I feel like I'm managing my anxiety better than I was several weeks ago.

It's challenging. Each time something else happens with William, I feel like I'm falling into the terrifying abyss. One that I managed to escape from once and thought if it ever appeared again, I'd be able to sidestep it because now it can't trick me into coming near because I recognize it and I'm too smart for it.

Instead I'm reminded of how human I am, how fragile life is, how people we love (including ourselves) can be in situations we feel are beyond our ability to assist with, and how the resulting pain and sadness can slide us down into that dark hole and we feel like we won't stop falling.

That was me a few hours ago, after I got home and processed today's visit with William. I know him to be a capable young man, well-spoken, funny, chivalrous, intelligent, loving. To see him struggling to overcome pain and uncertainty feels overwhelming at times.

An awful reminder of how unfair life can be, how the Wheel turns and stops right at the spot where you were hoping it wouldn't. 💔

I know this is temporary, temporary, temporary. That's what I keep repeating to myself, what I know to be true. Sometimes it helps. Sometimes it doesn't.

But I'll keep saying it. And I'm hoping it's what he's saying to himself and that it helps somehow.

And I'll keep praying, and meditating, and doing the other things that help me and that help me be there for him and the others when I need to be and when I can be.

And once again, thank you all for your continued prayers for William's healing and for us all, for peace in the midst of this storm. 💓🕊

Amen.

K.