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Hello everyone.

I hope you all are somewhere safe and happy today.

I'm doing my best despite the hits that seem to keep coming.

Today I visited our William in hospital, where he's been since last week.

Our young man has experienced a few setbacks since his diagnosis. We learned that his medical condition is more serious than what we knew prior to the start of his hospital stay.

Additionally, on the day he went to hospital to start his treatment, he broke a bone several hours later. (In hospital.) The start of his treatment had to be delayed by a day while the medical professionals tried to figure out what was causing excruciating pain with the slightest movement or touch.

Thankfully he was able to start treatment on Tuesday. Eventually the doctors learned of the broken bone but it took another few days to get his pain managed enough to get a cast on him. The best option would have been a surgical repair but that's not a current option for him because it would have further delayed the treatment he needs for the more serious condition.

As well, pain management in general has been difficult to maintain and they've had to adjust and change his pain meds and dosages quite a few times in the past week.

It is heart wrenching to see a loved one suffer so. We're all praying for the best outcome for this whole ordeal.

🌼 🌼 🌼

Today was my third (grief) therapy session. Coupled with phone therapy that I've been utilizing with one of the resources I was given, I feel like I'm managing my anxiety better than I was several weeks ago.

It's challenging. Each time something else happens with William, I feel like I'm falling into the terrifying abyss. One that I managed to escape from once and thought if it ever appeared again, I'd be able to sidestep it because now it can't trick me into coming near because I recognize it and I'm too smart for it.

Instead I'm reminded of how human I am, how fragile life is, how people we love (including ourselves) can be in situations we feel are beyond our ability to assist with, and how the resulting pain and sadness can slide us down into that dark hole and we feel like we won't stop falling.

That was me a few hours ago, after I got home and processed today's visit with William. I know him to be a capable young man, well-spoken, funny, chivalrous, intelligent, loving. To see him struggling to overcome pain and uncertainty feels overwhelming at times.

An awful reminder of how unfair life can be, how the Wheel turns and stops right at the spot where you were hoping it wouldn't. 💔

I know this is temporary, temporary, temporary. That's what I keep repeating to myself, what I know to be true. Sometimes it helps. Sometimes it doesn't.

But I'll keep saying it. And I'm hoping it's what he's saying to himself and that it helps somehow.

And I'll keep praying, and meditating, and doing the other things that help me and that help me be there for him and the others when I need to be and when I can be.

And once again, thank you all for your continued prayers for William's healing and for us all, for peace in the midst of this storm. 💓🕊

Amen.

K.