2 be Bliss, as I dance along the road to Nirvana...

Written in my journal today: mar 25 12:13 pm i've never feared death because as long as i remember, i've felt like death is part of life. but i've always feared having a painful death. i've always feared suffering. and i was brought face to face with suffering in a way i could not have imagined, as i watched my husband dying this time last year. so i've seen it first hand, in all its nastiness. it only reinforced my feelings that i don't want to die a slow lingering death. every day we live brings us closer to death. we think it's a slow progression but for those of us who will die in accidents and such, we really don't know how much time we have left. how much time we have left to enjoy our families, our friends, the sunshine, the rain, laughter, our favorite foods, our favorite activities, to tick off the items on our personal bucket lists... we make plans and to-do lists, thinking we have more time than we do. we put off the fun thi...

Life moves ever forward. In gratitude I continue to move with it, not wanting to stagnate in any way. Certainly not in any moments of heartache or distress. Those moments come almost daily, as the one-year anniversary of Mr. Bliss's death gets closer. One year... It feels like one day or one week. Not in its newness, because I certainly don't feel like I did back then, missing him so much that I wanted to die to be with him. Although I have had many happier moments since his death, the time that has passed has had no meaning in terms of minutes, hours, days, weeks, months... Only when I've actually looked at a calendar or a clock because I had to do something or be somewhere at a specified time, has time been something real. Mr. Bliss still visits me in my dreams but not as often as I would like. Is it because he knows how very much I miss him? Does he know I would sleep more if he visited more, in hopes of spending more time with him? This year would have b...