886.

Hello everyone.

I hope you are all somewhere safe and doing well.

It's been a little over a week since I've seen our William but I spoke with him today. He said he was tired but feeling a little better because of a new medication that's helping with the pain and allowing him to rest and sleep.

His treatment plan has him starting a week-long in-patient stay soon.

He still has a long way to go so thank you all for keeping the prayers going.

Other family members (including Baby Bliss, with her nurse's spirit) are assisting with his care. I'm so thankful that my baby is able to help others in this way.

🌸 🌸 🌸

For me, today was a better day than yesterday and I'm thankful.

William's situation has been disheartening for me. I believe he will overcome this challenge. What gives me anxiety is that his climb to healthier is just beginning and the hill is steep.

If we parents could take on any pain our children might encounter in their lives, would we not hesitate to let them live free of all discomfort? Is this what his parents are thinking?

Since his diagnosis, I have been experiencing physical symptoms that I'm working hard to get under control. I know the reason for my distress: I am re-living traumatic events from my past that I don't want to acknowledge here or even to myself.

Prayer, healing music, essential oils, and talking things out is all helpful but not yet eradicating the thoughts and images playing in my mind at uncomfortable intervals.

It's all temporary, yes. But when it happens, it's frightening. I feel powerless.

Yesterday I made an appointment to return to counseling (I did four years of grief counseling after Mr. Bliss died). My first appointment is Tuesday morning.

But I was distraught yesterday and needed a listening ear. I was not suicidal but I needed to speak with someone neutral. I called the Suicide Prevention Lifeline (800-273-8255) and I'm thankful I did.

The woman I spoke with helped me find resources that will help William . Another woman I spoke with provided more resources, also helpful.

Today I stayed in bed later than usual, only rising when my friend called to check on me. He's aware of William's situation and how I feel about it. He met William when he visited Baby Bliss and I last month and he's concerned as well.

When we last spoke (Monday), I cried and cried. We talked until his bedtime. Tuesday and Wednesday I felt his ear needed a break. Even with the few I consider friends, it sometimes feels like I'm wearing out my welcome if I "need" too much. Being self-sufficient is something I've always loved about myself but the older I get, the more I understand why God gifts us with friends.

Tomorrow morning will be busy here. Time for sleep.

In closing I have another prayer request, for me: that I am able to regain and keep my equilibrium so that I may be more able to support William and his care takers to the best of my abilities while being able to maintain my own health.

Thank you all in advance.

With love and gratitude,

K.