239: second wind

hey y'all.

i've been waiting for my second wind all day. is it coming? shoot. i'll be ready for bed in a few.

now days the one thing about staying up all night is that i know I'll be dead tired very early, when a "decent hour" for bedtime rolls around again.

all this research has been kicking my tail this week. it's not the research itself. it's the copy-and-paste that i'm doing to compile the data.

*sniff, sniff* i need a hankie y'all.

i wanna read, i wanna get back to working on my bigger basket, and i'm starving too. but i don't feel like moving from the love seat.

so i'm watching Oprah. there are two young transgendered young people on today's show. i've been very interested in this topic for a while cuz i've been researching it for a project i've been working on. for longer than i want cuz that's what happens with a lot of my projects.

i haven't been writing at all. other than for work and here. but it's okay. for now.

238: a letter to Raven

dear Mr or Miz Raven,

who ever you are, please stop giving out my phone number. i have taken two calls for you today already and the last caller told me you gave him my number on an application. that is something i DO not appreciate at all.

it's not like i don't have enough on my plate without answering calls for a person i don't know. it's more than annoying. it's cruddy.

why would you make up a number to put on an application? why not put "N/A", "none", or the ever-popular "none uh yo bizness"?

i'd be happy to take calls for you (even messages) if you had called me first and we had a financial agreement attached to said phone calls. however, this is not the case.

rest assured that when i find out who you are, i'm gonna report you to The Authorities. i don't know which Authorities but know that there is an Authority out there that reprimands people like you.

that is all.

bliss

237: GROOOOOOOO-VEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

hey y'all.

i came across something good during my travels online today. yeah, when i was 'sposed to be working.

it's about a project called "Feeling Groovy".

there's a guy named Nigel Nix who's an English teacher in Germany. he has "...designed a program online to make people feel happy for at least one minute using video and sound."

his goal is to make 1,000,000 people happy with this project.

i haven't checked it out yet y'all but i'm gonna. here's the link so y'all can go check it out too: Feeling Groovy
.
.

236: amen and hallelujah!

hey y'all!

God is good.

i asked and i been receivin'. :-)

angels are appearing to relieve my stress. i'm not joking.

not the imagined winged beings. i'm talkin' 'bout the people God puts on our path to help us along the way.

y'all know just the other day i was all stressed about Client A.

yesterday baby bliss and i got to the library late. every chair and all the tables were full. we circled the place for a few minutes, hoping two seats would magically appear and that's exactly what happened. on our third round, we saw a table with only one occupant and we swooped down like vultures.

we didn't know we were gonna be sitting with an angel. we asked if we could sit and he welcomed us to the table. baby bliss immediately noticed that he and i had the exact same laptop sleeve. except he didn't have a laptop and used his as a bag.

baby bliss ran off to use an internet computer and the angel spoke to me. we ended up having a deep and insightful conversation that helped lessen my anxiety in a major way.

today my angel was the employee of a company that contracts with Client A. she called just in time to save me the trouble of starting what would have surely led to a long round of e-mail and phone tag.

and i'm thankful.

amen.

235: give 1, get 1

have y'all heard about the $100 laptop project, designed to provide children in "developing" nations with laptops? if you haven't, you can read about it when you follow the link.

if you have, there's new information about the project and i'm giving it two thumbs up.

starting november 12, you can "give 1, get 1" for $399. in other words, if you buy a $200 laptop to be sent to a child in a developing nation, you can get one for your own child for an additional $200.

go here for the full details: Give1 Get 1.

234: stress!

hey y'all.

i

do

not

like

being

stressed!


i've been working on the Main Project for Client A. i've also been doing other Small Projects as they come up.

the Main Project, though detailed and Very Important, has turned out to be fun.

it's the other stuff that's stressing me. it's been a challenge to get back into the swing of being on someone else's clock. not literally because i'm not punching in. but when an e-mail or call comes in, i'm expected to be Jill on the Spot.

in my meeting with Client A, i was told that they have an extremely high level of expectation. not that i'm not capable of doing it. but i'm still getting used to this gig.

it's not like when you work face-to-face with folk you see every day. the majority of my contact with Client A is through e-mail. phone calls are rare. in-person meetings rarest of all. i'm still feeling these folks out and the learning curve is stretching out further than i'd like.

i've been dreading opening e-mail from Client A because i know there will be some Small Project that requires my immediate attention. as soon as i read it, i feel anxious.

it's always my intention to respond accurately and in a timely manner. but my panic causes me to second-guess myself which causes me to go into overdrive which results in the opposite of what i want.

instead of working efficiently and swiftly, i feel the need to check and re-check my work over and over again, resulting in delays in delivery and more heart palpitations for me as i wait to hear how the finished product has been received.

the fear of making mistakes is causing me to have heart palpitations. literally.

and i thought there was no job more stressful than being a mommy...

i believe this is God's way of sending me a message: do what you love and stick to it or else. LOL

what's ironic is that the Main Project is the kind i usually don't like to do; the Smaller Projects consist of work i've previously enjoyed and it's how i market myself. who'd have thunk it?

one of the best things about working from home/as a contractor is the flexibility to set one's own schedule. likewise the ability to create one's surroundings in any way desired. i do cherish both these components therefore my goal is to work out the kinks in this situation.

so y'all, this week i'm gonna try meditation and music therapy.

something has to assist me with changing my outlook and reactions. otherwise i'll be re-assigning my priorities 'round here.

233: the Jena 6

good morning y'all.

it is with a dichotomized heart that i sit and type this post.

i had decided i wasn't going to blog on this subject because my emotions were just too strong about it. but God whispered in my ear this morning in several ways and so, i write.

this morning i dreamed i was on my way out. where to doesn't matter and i don't know any way.

what i do know is that there was a crowd of people out by the entrance to our complex. they were orderly but loosely woven into two lines.

i wondered why in the world so many people were gathered and milling about like that, some sitting, some standing, some eating, talking, laughing...

then it dawned on me. they were all waiting for buses to take them to Jena, Louisiana. i looked at the faces, all open and hopeful. none angry or sad. at first every face i saw was brown, like mine. then i looked deeper and harder. and God showed me more.

there were other faces there. i saw caucasian and asian faces too. then i began to cry. like i'm doing now. my heart was touched and overwhelmed with the love i felt.

i knew it was God's way of telling me not to worry because it WILL be alright.

even after that dream, i forgot that today we pledged to wear black, to show our support for our sisters and brothers who are right now caught up in one of life's harshest struggles: the struggle to be recognized and treated as a human being.

and that's why i decided to write this post.

i know that despite what some believe, we are ALL human beings, created by the same God/Goddess/Creator.

my evidence and proof: no matter what color our skin, no matter what race we consider ourselves or are considered; no matter our religious beliefs or lack of; no matter who we voted for in the last election; we ALL got here the same way: from the joining of an egg and sperm that led to a live birth from a woman's body.

i'm praying for the whole town, that God will bring understanding to their hearts, that they will come to understand that this is not a "black issue", it's a human one

i'm saying a special prayer for the mothers, the mothers of the young men in jail specifically. for the other mothers in that town, the ones who may be saying and doing nothing because they think this is not their issue, my prayer is that God shows them that ALL children deserve the best we have to offer them, not just some.

and maybe they will be moved to help in some way. because one day, it could be their child sitting in a place of condemnation because their skin color, the skin that God made, made them a target of those who still need to learn better.