830.

Hello and Happy Thursday folks! 🌞

I hope everyone is well and safe. How is your late spring going? Mine is going... 😉

So much to tell y'all... This is gonna be a long one folks.

My mom and I attended the funeral services for my sista-friend's mom.

As an empath, funerals are overwhelming for me. The grief of everyone around me settles into my psyche and the feelings are overpowering.

This funeral was no exception.

I was able to hold my tears until the choir sang a song that broke me. As I rushed from my seat headed for the bathroom, I felt like my heart would burst from my chest.

I won't get into all the details because I can't and so much has happened since then...

🌸 🌸 🌸 

Remember when I said I might skip daddy's June visit? Well, I didn't. I was there with him for a week and went to two doctor's appointments with him. He is doing remarkably well y'all. His nephrologist said daddy was a smidgen away from going on dialysis about a year ago. Literally, Stage  5 kidney disease. Daddy rebounded and is currently holding at Stage 3.

Incredible.

So my lucky daddy has seen his favorite daughter on four separate weekends in the past month. (The third visit was Memorial Day weekend, which I mention below.)

🌸 🌸 🌸

The guy I've been seeing off and on (but exclusively) since March -- let's call him The Athlete --  asked me to go to a church event with him for Memorial Day weekend. It was in my hometown. So, my third trip up the road in the month of May...

I drove because he drives every day for a living and I wanted him to be able to relax.

Our first (last?) trip together was mostly a good one. There were a few snafus but that's been the pattern with me and this guy. We are on two opposite ends of a very wide spectrum and I'm not sure what to do with this knowledge. It doesn't bother him (and I'm not sure he fully understands it)  and maybe it shouldn't bother me (and sometimes it doesn't) but...

I am still learning to live in the moment but as a Gemini, overanalyzing things is part of my makeup.

We had a two-week break after I showed him the not-so-nice Gemini twin who resides in me. To his credit, although he was thoroughly lambasted by my tongue (whose power was unleashed with the hormonal madness that can be peri-menopause with a side of aunt-Flo-is-knocking), he never said anything mean or nasty in return.

Honestly, if I had been in my right mind, I could have said those things nicely and with some refinement. But I wasn't. And it started because I felt he'd lied to me about something trivial. He felt he was being truthful.

(Aside: Whenever I feel like a person has lied to me and tried to re-word the scenario to their advantage, I always wonder if s/he would do the same with his/her mother, minister, etc.)

Eventually, I did apologize for being mean and for my funky attitude but I meant everything I said to him. It wasn't kind but it was necessary. It was also true. Shame on me for not biting my tongue instead of hurting his feelings.

He called me this morning (two weeks later) to tell me how he felt about it all. He said he's forgiven me, he still loves me, and he would do anything for me. He said he had held me in such high esteem, and how he'd "shed a few tears" about the incident and us, how my actions had made him feel like I didn't appreciate anything he'd ever done for me...

I told him that I still loved him too and reminded him of how vastly different we are, especially our views on what we think of as love and how to co-exist in a relationship...

It only took me a few weeks into dating him to see exactly how different he and I are, which caused me to break up with him several times over the course of our acquaintance. He won me back because for the most part, he is a sweetheart. But he's also some things I don't like in a man. Or in human beings in general.

He was talking about marriage... The church he attends... I told him they won't let him marry me and asked if he just wanted to date until one or the other of us found a more suitable match. He said no (of course he did) because he didn't think that was fair. I told him I thought it was more than fair, as long as we were honest about it and not sneaking around with other people.

For the most part, we have fun together. But I can't be serious about him for a number of reasons. Number one being he's not my idea of a "responsible adult".

In some ways, the late Mr. Bliss wasn't either. But I'm no longer the young woman who fell in love with Mr. Bliss. Although Mr. B and I had a strong and magical bond, I now have different requirements when thoughts of long-term commitment and marriage ping around in my head.

Not to say that he didn't mature as time passed, just that the me I am today probably wouldn't have stayed around as long or been as serious when he showed his "youth".

🌸 🌸 🌸

The past several weeks have been messy for me, both physically and emotionally.

I had another upper respiratory crisis, brought on (I believe) by sleeping in so many places in the past month. (Some people don't know the signs of mold infestation in their living space and some don't seem to know how often to change the filters in their HVAC systems. I am super prone to URIs and both the aforementioned situations will wreak havoc on my health.

Thank God for Kyolic garlic and quercetin with bromelain. I believe both of those supplements brought me back to "healthier" and saved me from another full-on sinus infection. 😷

It hasn't yet been a week since I've gotten back from my June visit with daddy. So maybe I'll skip the July and August visits. Daddy's wife is there with him at the nursing home and he has no doctor's appointments scheduled until early fall.

My birthday is coming and I need a vacation. I really really really want to head to a nice warm Caribbean beach but that last time I flew, I thought my head would explode from the pain of the descent. (Possibly caused by some "residue" of that bad sinus infection I had a few years ago.)

So it looks like I'm gonna take off for a week in the mountains to enjoy the fresh air, sunshine, shopping, and of course, delicious food.  😊

Emotionally I've been awash in tears, tears, tears for the past week or so. Everything and nothing is making me cry. 😧 I know it's the hormones but it's driving me crazy! This menopause crap is for the worms, may they take it and bury it in a hole. 🙏🏾

That's all for now folks. I'm headed to the park to sit by the lake with a book, a hook, and some yarn. My weather app says the "RealFeel" weather is 98 degrees so it might be a short outing. 😁

Ciao for now y'all! 👋🏾

829.

On another note, I had my first watermelon of the season last week. It was yummy.

Sadly, I left home before I finished it and didn't think to chop it up to bring on the road with me. I asked Baby Bliss to eat the rest.

She's not a huge watermelon fan so I hope and pray it's not rotting in my fridge as I type this.

Sandia.  😋😋😋

828.

Hey folks!

It's been a while, yes?

My apologies but I have been super busy.

Among other things, I have been burning up the road every month since December to visit daddy in the nursing home. I stay a week, minimum.

I've also been dating, which has become challenging with my travel schedule.

This month has been particularly busy.

I visited daddy then had to hightail it home for Baby Bliss's birthday celebrations as well as the Mother's Day festivities.

Mother's Day night I got word that a dear friend had lost her mom earlier in the day.

So Thursday I got on the road to get home for the funeral.

I'll be here another few days, as the funeral is taking place a few days later than I thought. But no worries. I've been able to spend time with other good friends and I am staying at an Airbnb accommodation with a beautiful family.

God continues to bless me and I'm thankful. (Though exhausted!)

I'm thinking about skipping my June visit to daddy or perhaps delaying it by a week or two because his wife is now in the nursing home with him.

He seemed content when I stopped in for a short visit Thursday morning. She did too.

Amen.

Kisses to you all!

More later...

827.

Hello everyone. 👋🏾

It's a chilly but relaxing evening in my cozy spot on the sofa. Hopefully you all are somewhere safe and you have everything you need.

Today was a really good day for me. I have so much to be thankful for as it winds down:

1. I talked to both my parents today. 
2. I was able to help my dad with an ongoing issue that had been worrying him .
3. Baby Bliss and her fiancé treated me to lunch today. We had a great time.
4. I treated myself to a movie today. (Proud Mary) It wasn't what I expected but I enjoyed it.
5. The forecast calls for snow to start in about 7 hours. I went to Aldi and Walmart before heading home. If I get snowed in, I'll have food to eat.
6. My car has an almost-full tank of gas.
7. I have a safe and warm place to live.

I am aware that there are people in the world who currently lack necessities. Some of them may be people I know.

My prayer is that if anyone who crosses my path needs help, I can assist or find an appropriate resource. I also pray that I am mindful of and grateful for my every blessing. 

Amen.

826.

Happy Friday everyone!

I hope you are all safe, sound, and happy as the weekend slides your way.

Despite the gloom of today's weather, I've been in a good mood.

I talked to daddy several times today; he sounded tired but he was in good spirits. I also made the pasta salad for the party. It's chilling in the fridge until departure time when it will make the hour-long drive with me to Party Central.

I'm also taking drinks and napkins. There can never be too many napkins at a party.

It will be great if someone brings fried chicken or a really good dessert. Cheesecake, fruit tarts... If someone brings Napoleons, I'll be in heaven. (And probably Weight Watchers by Monday afternoon because I'll eat them all.)

Aha! I remember what I came to tell y'all: I started a gratitude jar.

Every night before bed, I write down a few things I'm thankful for on a half sheet of paper. Then I fold the paper and put it in the jar.  💕 ✍🏾 📃

It's just a mason jar but it's light blue. I found it at Goodwill I think. It's been here for a while so the memory is vague.

I believe it's one of the tools helping me stay focused on what's important.

Another is my background music.

There is a YouTube channel called Meditative Mind. The videos are healing music, set to different frequencies depending on what needs healing (mind, body, spirit, etc.)

Of course it's a debated topic, whether or not sound healing of this kind works. I say if it works for you then work it.

It is working for me and I'm thankful.

The music plays low so that it's a constant undercurrent as I go about my daily to-do list.

Right now I'm listening to this one: Om Mani Padme Hum.

It's soothing.

On that note, I'll bid you all a fond good night.

Sweet dreams... 💋

825.

How-do folks?

It's early Thursday morning in my spot on the globe. Lately I've been up until the WEE wee hours, nodding off around 4 a.m. and sometimes 5 a.m. (Is that news to anyone? Probably not.)

I'm usually up by 10 or 10:30 a.m., which gives me five to six hours of sleep per 24-hour cycle. I find myself getting sleepy around 5 or 6 p.m. but I fight it because taking naps is a habit I try to avoid. Occasionally -- rarely -- I give in.

Later today might be one of those days but I can't say for sure as I'm currently tired but not truly sleepy.

Wednesday was a busy day spent with one of my neighbors.

We started with me taking her to a doctor's appointment. (Lucky me, I scored a free blood glucose meter in the pharmacy. 👍 I've been wanting one for a while, so I can test periodically. Go here 548. for why.)

Our next stop was Target, to return an item I bought earlier this week and do a bit of shopping.

My neighbor and I got separated in the store and after I walked the aisles for maybe a half hour searching for her, I purchased my sweet potatoes then went over to sit in the cafe to wait for her.

After I'd sat there longer than I was comfortable with, I went to customer service to have her paged. Another five minutes and I see her making her way to the closest self-checkout.

(Where I was happily chatting with M, a fella who works one of the registers in customer service and who I see occasionally at the store. It's hard to say how old he is -- my guess is late 50s to mid 60s. M  has the manners of a courtly gentleman. He's always polite and gives me nice compliments but never crosses the line into "flirty". He is the only person I consistently recognize at the store and I'm there several times a month. No wondering why, right?)

By the time we left Target it was after three and I was getting hangry. 😠🍐🍗🍚🍤🍹 My neighbor said she'd treat me to lunch (for taking her to her appointment) and I needed that food.

Originally we were gonna have lunch at a new place we found the last time we hung out. But it was rush hour and I didn't want to fight the horrible traffic that would be waiting when we finished eating.

Finally we decided on a restaurant halfway between where we'd left and where we were headed.

Lunch was relaxed, leisurely. We shared good conversation and laughter. It's so nice to be able to take one's time when eating a meal with friends, family.

With lunch under our belts, we made a bee line for the nearest dollar store where I grossly overspent. I literally went in for two or three items and came out with several bags. 👀

News flash:

I'm going to a party Saturday! Guests were asked to bring food, drinks, or give a small donation upon arrival. I bought fixings for tuna salad then realized shortly after I got home that tuna is probably not a good snack for a party.

Certainly I don't want anyone breathing fish breath in my face, a thought that eluded me while I was filling my shopping cart (known in these parts as a "buggy").

My neighbor will need to make a drugstore run later today to get her prescription and though there is rain in the forecast (I don't like driving in the rain), I told her I'd give her a ride. It won't do to have her walking in the rain even if it's only a drizzle.

I'll make a grocery store run while I'm out with her because I've decided to make a simple pasta salad for the party. I need a few ingredients absent from my cupboards: black olives, cucumbers, and tomatoes.

My preferred pasta salad has no tomatoes which and does taste better if there is tuna in the mix but (for reasons mentioned above) there will be no tuna in this salad. The tomatoes go in to benefit the others which is okay with me. I'll be sure not to put any on my plate. Hopefully the black olives will be a good substitute for the missing tuna.

It's likely I'll buy juice too because I don't drink alcohol and although there might be lots of non-alcoholic beverages on hand, it's not nice to count on others to have my favorite drink(s) lolling about.

Small price to pay for the hosts agreeing to host. All the preparation that goes into making one's home hospitable then in addition to the fun guests you get uninvited guests, messy guests, guests who don't know when to leave, guests who get pissy drunk... 👿

We hosted many events at our home up north. Baby Bliss's birthday parties, a birthday party for my grandma, folks over for dinner or just to hang out... Some events were family, some were friends,  some were both.

No matter how much fun was had, the best thing for my nerves was having the party elsewhere.  😌

Seems like it's been ages since I've been to a house party and I'm looking forward to this one. It's possible I'll spend the night because the shindig is an hour from me. An hour's drive isn't awful but by the time the event ends, I might be exhausted. 😩

As I am now.

Time for snoring.

Je m'en vais y'all! 💋

824.

I should be sleeping but my brain is spinning and grinding.

Here are my musings:

After much thought, I realized that I'm not as dismissive with the exes as I previously thought. Though the percentage still remains low in terms of who I still keep in touch with, it came to me that not all of them got the boot.

Mr. Skittish and I are still friends and he's been a constant listening ear in the past month as well as a good resource for information when I was first dealing with my dad's situation at the beginning of December.

There is also another guy who I had a couple of dates with that I'm still friendly with. We're linked on social media and we also exchange jokes and such in e-mail from time to time.

So that adds two to the very small number of guys who remain in the "Cool Dudes" column.

Of those two, I can't say either would get me anywhere near an altar but that would depend on what the terms were.

Honestly, at my age, a man has to bring considerably more to the table than his declaration of love everlasting. No gold digging in my past or future because if I can't like a man enough to love him, nothing else he offers will suffice. However, anyone who comes with his pockets turned out would be a liability.

There needs to be balance.

Hmmm... The longer I think about the exes, the more names flit through my head.

Right now I'm thinking about Chuck and how we can add him to that short column. (More about Chuck here: 691.)

He and I are still friendly. We no longer text every day and we never talk. We text periodically, keeping each other in the loop with family issues and any other stuff we think the other wants to know.

If I had my druthers (as my momma used to say), the returning ex would be Chuck and he would be here to stay. It would require working out a whole lotta logistics but I'm confident he's the man for the job. He's an engineer! 😉

Seriously, he is now my current Fantasy Guy. Hopefully, one of the good things in store for me in 2018 includes seeing Chuck again.

Now that I've shared, it's time for sleep. I am tired as all get out.

More later y'all. 💋