823.

On a more serious note folks, I'm happy to say I've been talking to my daddy every day since he's been ensconced in his new digs.

We usually talk three times daily but sometimes it's only once or twice because now that he's feeling better, he's making the rounds to mingle and mix with the other residents.

If I can't catch him between lunch and dinner, I know I can catch him after dinner, before he goes to sleep.

Sometimes he sounds really tired but he sounded strong and upbeat in our most recent conversation. He said he was watching football and eating a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

It made me happy to hear him that way, like his pre-stroke self.

My gratitude overflows.

Amen.

822.

O' happy Sunday everyone!

I hope you all brought in the new year safely and in good spirits.

I was home alone, a bit maudlin but tis the season and all.

Cooking has never been my forte but I did quite a bit of it this past week. A pot of bean soup (cannellini beans, carrots, kale, chicken, cumin, Himalayan salt) and a pan of cornbread that fed me for several days. 

For my New Year's Eve dinner, I ate barbecue ribs, kale, and a slab of the cornbread. I also made a cake and topped it with a simple homemade icing.

Martha Stewart won't be asking me to pop by but it was all tasty enough for me. 😋

Now let's get to today's business, shall we?

This is the "What's New for 2018?" edition.  🎊 🎊 🎊

It has come to my attention that I will need to take a few steps back in order to move forward. Also that I'll have to give up something or someone from my past.

Well alrighty then.

Although I am a firm believer in omens and portends like rainbows and falling stars (both of which I saw during my drive home from visiting daddy), I don't believe in signs in what I think of as a willy-nilly fashion. 

In other words, I need to see what I think of as Real Proof. 

Does that sound crazy, expecting the tangible from things that seem to have no basis in fact?

Maybe, but as I've heard a time or two (and I like to quote it when it's appropriate): I'm from Missouri.  (For those of you who don't know what that means, go here: Missouri.)

As for this back-and-forth-to-the-future forecast, it has seemed to be a theme in the past week.

Not only has it been the theme of more than a few tv shows/movies I've seen in the past week, I also did a few of those silly Facebook quizzes that promised to tell me what my 2018 would look like based on my responses to the questions.

I actually did a few of them on New Year's Eve. I find the options and outcomes fun and funny enough to distract me when I need it so I made them part of my festive evening. 

One of those outcomes predicted romance in the new year with someone from my past. 😐

Now y'all know how I feel about the exes.  😐 (An "ex" being anyone I've ever talked to on one of the dating sites, had at least one date with, or been married to.)

I don't think it's an exaggeration to say I've been on hundreds of dates and talked to hundreds more online. 

From that humongous group, there exists a minuscule percentage who can expect a response to a phone call or text. One of those is an ex-husband. At this moment, I can't think of anyone else who belongs on that list of one. 😄

(Ooops, wait! There is another guy. We never dated but there was once a very subtle flirtation. By "once" I mean it was an isolated incident that went absolutely nowhere and many many years later, we're still friends.)

While I'm not gonna attempt to bribe my crystal ball for a name, I do wonder who this someone might be.

A screenshot of the predictive pronouncement:

So will this person from my past be He-Who-I-Must-Disgard? Or will it be someone (or something) else?

Along those lines, there is a friend who I've been feeling ambivalent about for over a year. She has a few habits that are lately wearing my patience thinner by the day. Sadly, it's gotten to the point of me not wanting to respond to her calls or texts.

It dawned on me that she's one of the few people I currently think of as a close friend, which is kind of suck-y because she is no longer the type of person I want to be friends with.

*sigh*

Probably it is her that needs to be let go because it would certainly create space in my life for a sunnier disposition to come along.

The decision isn't a difficult one but I've been dragging my feet about it because of the length of our friendship. Really, the hesitation lies in how to sever the ties.

With other people I've felt okay with what some might call ghosting, which for me it comes down to not wanting the drama of trying to explain to people how they have crossed the line with me (for the last time).

(Because I know humans make mistakes so I'll give a few chances but truly, if they understood my boundaries they wouldn't have continued to cross the line. Unless they understood and just didn't care. Either way, I've learned there's no need to waste my energy with an explanation.)

A few examples:

After Mr. Bliss and I were married, I had one friend who kept calling me in the wee hours. Granted I've always been a night owl, which my friends know. However, I told homegirl it wasn't cool to continue the late-night calls because my husband had to get up early for work every day. But she thought it was okay and kept at it.  *snip, snip, snip*

Another friend decided about a year after Mr. Bliss died that it was okay to ask me how much money I got when he died. Très gauche honey! There is only one friend I discuss my finances with and that chick was not the one. In almost two decades of friendship she and I had never discussed money. At least not my money. She talked freely about hers and why she never had any. When she inquired about my "inheritance" (as she called it), I was inclined to think that at some point in the future she would be angling for a loan. That and the fact that I thought she was incredibly rude for asking me the question: *snip, snip, snip*

My friends are important to me and are usually considered family. Some of them I do miss talking with but having boundaries is a good practice and for me, letting people cross them indiscriminately is the same as having none.

Moving on...

Today's Lotus Tarot, titled "Tough Decisions, featured the Hanged Man. It's is a continuation of the "Back to the Future" plot that began with the quizzes. Looks like I'm gonna need more lavender essential oil, lots of pens and paper, and lots of Epsom salt.

See screenshot below:

(The screenshot is the last part of the Lotus Tarot e-mail, which in its entirety was too long and I believe the last bit is most pertinent for this post.)

There is also a wedding in the forecast featuring me as the blushing bride. 💕💍💏 😜 (Definitely not marrying the guy in the graphic!)

There will also be money! (Shhhh! Y'all aren't supposed to see this because I do not discuss money with friends so don't tell anyone. 😄)

Finally, there should be travel! Specifically, to Argentina. (If anyone cares to join me, please drop me a line. 😀)

It looks like my 2018 will be super busy and exciting folks. My passport is ready but I might need new shoes! 💃

821.

Hello folks. I see it's been over a month since I've checked in with you fine people.

First, I'd like to wish all who celebrate anything this time of year, Happy Merry Joyful celebration to you! 🎉🎉🎉

Now let's get to the business of telling all.

Well, some.

So here's the latest:


- I'm here visiting daddy. He was in hospital for a week, about two weeks ago. I came running like the faithful loving daughter I am. My visit ruffled a lot of feathers. I learned (more) ugly things about my father's wife and her family. I also learned some ugly things about my father's "aide", a man who has been my father's "friend" for a number of years.

I won't go into details here because it's serious and I had to notify a few government agencies as well as law enforcement.

Daddy has been at the local rehabilitation facility for a few weeks and has transitioned into long-term care there. Sadly (but not surprisingly), the usual suspects are attempting to lure him home with whispered lies.

My prayer is that daddy continues to understand how it's in his best interest to remain at the facility, where he can get his meals and medications in a consistent manner.

Amen.

🌸 🌸 🌸

In the romance arena, Mr. Quince and I managed to work out our differences by parting ways. We are just too different in ways that are very important to me.

I won't go into too much detail about this either but I will say this: social grace matters to me.

Some of the folks I grew up with think that means a person has to be fake or phony around people they don't like. I disagree. I believe that one aspect of social grace entails knowing how to comport oneself in social settings, a skill that can open doors that can facilitate opportunities for positive change in a person's life.

My life attests to that.

I don't know if we're born with the skill and we hone it (or not) as we mature but I'm inclined to think it's more nurture than nature.

Fortunately, I am blessed with a mother who worked and socialized with a wide variety of people from the time I was very young.

My privilege has been to observe and often mingle with those folks on many occasions. Somehow it all helped me with what I feel are appropriate interactions with others.

That's not to say I don't occasionally make a mis-step but I don't believe that's a regular occurrence. Lucky me.

On a more serious note, I remain thankful for all I've learned over the years no matter the source.

That's just one tiny inkling of why Mr. Quince and I couldn't go the distance. Some of the other issues are very serious and are absolute deal-breakers.

🌸 🌸 🌸

And that's all for now folks. 

It's time to head out for what will be my last visit with daddy in 2017. (I've been in town for a week.) After he finishes lunch, I'm heading back to warmer climes.

As always, I've saved some for later so stay tuned.

Be safe, be blessed, be a blessing!

Amen.

820:

Good morning everyone.

This Friday dawns with an aura of sadness chez Bliss. I'm trying to regain my equilibrium* but it's slow going.

One reason is the hormones. (Of course.) And I'm exhausted as well. (Which could also be attributed to the hormones.)

My weekend spent in my hometown was a bitter sweet one. I won't go into too much detail because it's just too painful to hash it out here while still hashing it out in real life.

News:

- My dad was hospitalized once again, due to complications of his surgery. His health is see-sawing weekly it seems. I'm praying for daddy's comfort. It's all I feel I can do at this point.

- Mr. Quince and I are no longer dating (Yes, I'm the bad guy.) but we're still madly in love. I think this is the most painful experience with love and dating that I've had since I became a widow. Seriously.

Mr. Quince believes that love conquers all but I'm more of a realist. I know that habits are hard to break, even the ones that can kill us. I also know that habits that annoy me can cause me to want to kill a person who's living in close quarters with me, even if I love the person.

Despite the fact that we haven't spent much time in each other's physical presence, in the short period we were together, Mr. Q and I have had some really good times. But I've also had time to see how different we are and how some of those differences are in areas that cause me grave concern.

At this age, and with the amount (and types) of relationship experience I've had, I know what I'm willing to compromise on and what is essential to my well-being, my peace of mind.

I also know that asking someone to change, hoping someone will change, expecting someone to change... those are wastes of energy for the most part. People can change but as I previously stated, habits are hard to break.

Why spend time trying, hoping, wishing for a person to be something or someone they're not? Even if a change will improve the person's health, wealth, etc., that person has to recognize a need for change, has to want the change, has to implement the change.

I'm all for people being who and what they are. If it doesn't work for me then I get to decide if and how I'll interact with said people.

Mr. Quince at his best is kind, compassionate, loving, giving, intelligent. But his other traits, while they don't fully negate his good characteristics, do eclipse them in ways I don't want to bring into my space.

If we lived 30 minutes apart, it might not be a big deal. However, long distance romance makes some things glaringly apparent. Like relocating. We already knew that he would be moving here with me and I thought I was okay with that. Spending time with him allowed me to observe his habits enough to decide that no, I wouldn't be okay with that.

If we can't live together, I don't see a future together.

Marriage was a hot topic (he was anxious to jump in with both feet) and initially I was all in. But the engagement period exists for a reason and that reason is to give both parties time to learn their betrothed and decide if they've actually found their person.

For me it was a "no" but Mr. Quince wanted to gloss over all issues in the name of love. Well I knew that wouldn't work. Effective communication and being able to resolve problems are two skills necessary for a healthy relationship of any kind.

Right now we're negotiating a "safe space" for us to be able to stay connected but not excessively so. Which is hard because we became best friends, calling and texting at all hours of the day and night about any and everything.

That was the easy part, facilitated by our shared history (school, neighborhood, friends, etc.)

What comes next remains to be seen.

O brave new world...


*(If this is disjointed, forgive me. It's the wee-est of the wee hours and although I'm not feeling sleepy, I am tired. My sleep cycle is way off. Again.)

819.

Good Monday to you fine folks.

I hope everyone has been well since we last met here.

I've been many things since then: overjoyed, frazzled, peaceful, optimistic, disheartened, overwhelmed, and more. Sometimes all in the same day. Literally.

The emotional life of a peri-menopausal woman is rich with feeling.

And so much has happened since my last post.

- Daddy has been home, back to the hospital, back to rehab, and back home again. He's had good days and some not-so-good days. As of our last phone call he sounded really well, like his pre-stroke self.

But that was a week ago. We're having communication issues, me and daddy. His cell phone seems to have gone missing so I can't reach him on that number. No one answers the house phone when I call so I can't talk to him that way. I can talk to him when he's in hospital or rehab or when his wife calls me from her cell phone.

The last time she did, she put us on speaker. Her reason: the earpiece wasn't working well. Funny that it was working well when she called me to say my dad wanted to talk to me.

As my faithful readers know, this isn't the first time there've been communication issues between my dad and I due to his wife's interference. I'm not sure if she knows she's hurting my dad with her behavior but I know.

🌸 🌸 🌸

In other news, I've been in my hometown since Friday. I drove up for a cousin's engagement party and to attend an event with my momma.

Both those events were fun.

The not-so-fun but oh-so-exciting event came later.

Mr. Quince has been in hospital since Thursday evening, when he was admitted via emergency room visit.

I stayed overnight with him Saturday night and I'm here with him tonight. I truly wish I could stay longer but I must return home tomorrow because I have business down south that needs handling.

It's possible I'll return before December but not a certainty. Once the temps drop below 40 degrees (day or night), there's no long distance driving for me.

🌸 🌸 🌸

On that note, I'm gonna bid y'all bonne nuit. 😙 It's at least a six-hour drive to where I'm headed and with the way I drive, it might take eight or nine.

818.

Happy Sunday folks.

It's a quiet and relaxing day here chez Bliss and I'm thankful.

I was perusing some of my old blog posts and I came across this one: 435. My name is not Oprah.

It's a list of what my favorite things were when I wrote the post.

Many years have gone by since I made the list and today I feel like updating it.

So here it is:

1. My glass teapot. I still have it, I still love it, and I use it often.
2. Tazo's "Passion" tea is still on my list. I drink it several times a week, usually cold from the fridge. 
3. My favorite dusting powder these days is an oldie but goodie, Jean Nate Silkening Body Powder. It smells like heaven and lives up to its description, as it really does make your skin feel silky. I don't wear it often because I wear a lot of black and the powder is white.
4. I still have one of those semi-sexy "maternity" dresses and it's still my go-to dress for many occasions. 👗
5. Plantain chips have supplanted sweet potato chips as my snack of choice.
6. These days, plain sparkling mineral water works well for me. And while I do like the plain version just fine, I also use it half-and-half with fruit juice on days when I want to drink something bubbly and sweet. Maybe I'll start mixing it with my Passion tea... 
7. Sweet potato plants. I don't have much of a green thumb but I've come to love greenery around the house. A friend taught me how to plant sprouting sweet potatoes to get some of the loveliest and (fastest-growing) plants I've ever seen. My latest is so far the most beautiful (and biggest) of all. 🌱🍀🌿

In case anyone is interested, I still have my toasty warm and super soft knit slipper socks from Wal-Mart, I'm no longer using the glass fish bowls to pot plants, I still love the body butter from Habeebah's Herbals (but it's been ages since I've used it because I'm using pure oils these days like almond, sesame, and grape seed), and I still have yarns I like but none I currently love. 

817.

I'm making something for the wedding.