Good morning everyone.
This Friday dawns with an aura of sadness chez Bliss. I'm trying to regain my equilibrium* but it's slow going.
One reason is the hormones. (Of course.) And I'm exhausted as well. (Which could also be attributed to the hormones.)
My weekend spent in my hometown was a bitter sweet one. I won't go into too much detail because it's just too painful to hash it out here while still hashing it out in real life.
News:
- My dad was hospitalized once again, due to complications of his surgery. His health is see-sawing weekly it seems. I'm praying for daddy's comfort. It's all I feel I can do at this point.
- Mr. Quince and I are no longer dating (Yes, I'm the bad guy.) but we're still madly in love. I think this is the most painful experience with love and dating that I've had since I became a widow. Seriously.
Mr. Quince believes that love conquers all but I'm more of a realist. I know that habits are hard to break, even the ones that can kill us. I also know that habits that annoy me can cause me to want to kill a person who's living in close quarters with me, even if I love the person.
Despite the fact that we haven't spent much time in each other's physical presence, in the short period we were together, Mr. Q and I have had some really good times. But I've also had time to see how different we are and how some of those differences are in areas that cause me grave concern.
At this age, and with the amount (and types) of relationship experience I've had, I know what I'm willing to compromise on and what is essential to my well-being, my peace of mind.
I also know that asking someone to change, hoping someone will change, expecting someone to change... those are wastes of energy for the most part. People can change but as I previously stated, habits are hard to break.
Why spend time trying, hoping, wishing for a person to be something or someone they're not? Even if a change will improve the person's health, wealth, etc., that person has to recognize a need for change, has to want the change, has to implement the change.
I'm all for people being who and what they are. If it doesn't work for me then I get to decide if and how I'll interact with said people.
Mr. Quince at his best is kind, compassionate, loving, giving, intelligent. But his other traits, while they don't fully negate his good characteristics, do eclipse them in ways I don't want to bring into my space.
If we lived 30 minutes apart, it might not be a big deal. However, long distance romance makes some things glaringly apparent. Like relocating. We already knew that he would be moving here with me and I thought I was okay with that. Spending time with him allowed me to observe his habits enough to decide that no, I wouldn't be okay with that.
If we can't live together, I don't see a future together.
Marriage was a hot topic (he was anxious to jump in with both feet) and initially I was all in. But the engagement period exists for a reason and that reason is to give both parties time to learn their betrothed and decide if they've actually found their person.
For me it was a "no" but Mr. Quince wanted to gloss over all issues in the name of love. Well I knew that wouldn't work. Effective communication and being able to resolve problems are two skills necessary for a healthy relationship of any kind.
Right now we're negotiating a "safe space" for us to be able to stay connected but not excessively so. Which is hard because we became best friends, calling and texting at all hours of the day and night about any and everything.
That was the easy part, facilitated by our shared history (school, neighborhood, friends, etc.)
What comes next remains to be seen.
O brave new world...
*(If this is disjointed, forgive me. It's the wee-est of the wee hours and although I'm not feeling sleepy, I am tired. My sleep cycle is way off. Again.)
This Friday dawns with an aura of sadness chez Bliss. I'm trying to regain my equilibrium* but it's slow going.
One reason is the hormones. (Of course.) And I'm exhausted as well. (Which could also be attributed to the hormones.)
My weekend spent in my hometown was a bitter sweet one. I won't go into too much detail because it's just too painful to hash it out here while still hashing it out in real life.
News:
- My dad was hospitalized once again, due to complications of his surgery. His health is see-sawing weekly it seems. I'm praying for daddy's comfort. It's all I feel I can do at this point.
- Mr. Quince and I are no longer dating (Yes, I'm the bad guy.) but we're still madly in love. I think this is the most painful experience with love and dating that I've had since I became a widow. Seriously.
Mr. Quince believes that love conquers all but I'm more of a realist. I know that habits are hard to break, even the ones that can kill us. I also know that habits that annoy me can cause me to want to kill a person who's living in close quarters with me, even if I love the person.
Despite the fact that we haven't spent much time in each other's physical presence, in the short period we were together, Mr. Q and I have had some really good times. But I've also had time to see how different we are and how some of those differences are in areas that cause me grave concern.
At this age, and with the amount (and types) of relationship experience I've had, I know what I'm willing to compromise on and what is essential to my well-being, my peace of mind.
I also know that asking someone to change, hoping someone will change, expecting someone to change... those are wastes of energy for the most part. People can change but as I previously stated, habits are hard to break.
Why spend time trying, hoping, wishing for a person to be something or someone they're not? Even if a change will improve the person's health, wealth, etc., that person has to recognize a need for change, has to want the change, has to implement the change.
I'm all for people being who and what they are. If it doesn't work for me then I get to decide if and how I'll interact with said people.
Mr. Quince at his best is kind, compassionate, loving, giving, intelligent. But his other traits, while they don't fully negate his good characteristics, do eclipse them in ways I don't want to bring into my space.
If we lived 30 minutes apart, it might not be a big deal. However, long distance romance makes some things glaringly apparent. Like relocating. We already knew that he would be moving here with me and I thought I was okay with that. Spending time with him allowed me to observe his habits enough to decide that no, I wouldn't be okay with that.
If we can't live together, I don't see a future together.
Marriage was a hot topic (he was anxious to jump in with both feet) and initially I was all in. But the engagement period exists for a reason and that reason is to give both parties time to learn their betrothed and decide if they've actually found their person.
For me it was a "no" but Mr. Quince wanted to gloss over all issues in the name of love. Well I knew that wouldn't work. Effective communication and being able to resolve problems are two skills necessary for a healthy relationship of any kind.
Right now we're negotiating a "safe space" for us to be able to stay connected but not excessively so. Which is hard because we became best friends, calling and texting at all hours of the day and night about any and everything.
That was the easy part, facilitated by our shared history (school, neighborhood, friends, etc.)
What comes next remains to be seen.
O brave new world...
*(If this is disjointed, forgive me. It's the wee-est of the wee hours and although I'm not feeling sleepy, I am tired. My sleep cycle is way off. Again.)
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