18: some things are personal...
originally posted Wed., Nov. 23, 2005 at 2:51 a.m. EST
but it's that time of year.
let me divulge.
with the imminent approach of the holiday commonly known as Christmas, i am beginning to dread leaving my home. thanksgiving has yet to arrive but everywhere i turn, there are christmas reminders. cities have put up decorations, stores are selling anything remotely related, and family members are already talking about The Gift Exchange.
i slipped and fell into the Gift Exchange by accident. i don't believe in the idea as a matter of principle. i think it's silly to have a set time of year to give gifts to people. even birthdays don't move me much.
i'm not anti-festivities though. celebrations are good. i love parties and get-togethers. but the gift-giving thing makes me queasy. truly. as in "my stomach is churning right now".
honestly.
i think one's taste -- whether it be in clothing, food, beverage, or neighborhood -- is very personal. i feel that buying someone a gift can be a form of intrusion. that's why i prefer to give monetary gifts unless i am absolutely sure my gift is something the person wants or needs. i know some people feel giving cash or its equivalent is tacky. to them i say "mind ya damned beeswax".
giving cash doesn't mean i value the recipient so little that i won't take time to find "the perfect gift". for me it means i respect that person enough not to waste her time or mine by buying a gift she may or may not like because it's the wrong color/size/style. money is one-size-fits-all and needs no receipt because there's no need to exchange it.
a cash gift/gift card/gift cheque allows the recipient to spend it as she sees fit. maybe she needs to pay a bill, buy groceries, or is in desperate need to cop a bit of her favorite recreational party favor. if my intent in giving is to give the recipient joy, what better way to do it than by allowing her to decide her own version of happy?
my issues with Christmas Gift-Giving -- henceforth known as "CGG" -- are many.
there's that thing most people have about getting a gift wrapped up in a package, one that they're usually hoping contains their heart's desire. well, i'm not the gift fairy and i sure ain't in the mind-reading business. so unless someone tells me what it is they want, how the hell am i supposed to know?
i like to give practical gifts because practical gifts are the kind i like to receive. but everyone is not like me. *shrug*
my other problem with CGG is the cost factor. do most families pick a name from a hat? leading to a (set) expenditure of cash for each name drawn. in our case that would be three names. if the spending limit is capped at $10 per gift, then it's cool. anything more and i feel like it's eating into my grocery budget.
if i spend my hard-earned $ -- okay, my hubby's hard-earned $ -- on a gift that won't be appreciated or used, i'm a mad sista. why waste money to show someone how much you love them? i show my family how i feel about them every day.
if i pick up your smelly socks and dirty drawers, clean up your crumbs and wash your dirty dishes, inhale your morning breath every day, spend my waking hours hunting bargains so we don't blow the kids' inheritance -- then you're safe in assuming i love you.
on the other hand, if i regularly forget to return your calls, ignore you when you're talking to me about some stupid football game, let you run around in dirty clothes for months because i don't feel like doing laundry, let you eat with dirty utensils, take a shower in a dirty tub because i didn't feel like cleaning it -- it's safe to assume i don't like you much.
ummm, okay. i don't do all that for my extended family but y'all get the idea.
back to the gift-giving thing...
i'm just not that into the herd mentality. i see shopping for holiday gifts as promoting this kind of thought in the worst way. i like to get my shop on, for sho'. but i like to shop when the rest of the world is doing something else. like sleeping. or in church. which leads to another thought.
why is it that people who say they believe christmas is a celebration of the birth of Jesus Christ seem to be the ones spending the most money? i know people who call themselves christians who go almost bankrupt at christmas because they overspend. i know the supposed correlation between the birth of christ and gift-giving, but i don't believe 3 wise men would have been stupid enough to give baby Jesus their last shekels if their mortgages were due in a few weeks time.
i also think CGG sets a bad example for children. i believe children should earn anything other than the essentials of food/clothing/shelter. otherwise they're being set up to believe they can get anything they want if they learn to manipulate well enough. i think those might be the kids who suffer in adulthood.
generally, children love to receive gifts and getting them for christmas is what they love most of all. i recall my own childhood as a time when it seemed everyone lived for christmas. after we opened our presents, we couldn't wait to get outside to tell each other what we got, each one hoping to outdo the others by getting the year's hottest gift.
fun.
but not for those of us whose parents didn't have spare cash.
my christmases were spent at my grandmother's and it was she who usually contributed the most to my (small) pile of presents. my mother was a single parent and though i had contact with my father's side of the family, they didn't send gifts for christmas.
maybe that's part of it... i've always been a bit of a softie, never wanting others to feel less than. and i often feel that those who have amassed huge material gains are putting down the have-nots when the "have" is rubbed in the others' faces.
i believe CGG often leads kids to behave like little snobs. now that i'm an adult and aware, i'm in a position to make sure my own child understands the negative consequences of such behavior. i think it's all very sordid and mean-spirited, bragging about gifts. not at all what the holiday season is supposed to be about.
as it is, there have been a few times i've overheard my daughter telling her friends (and others) about gifts she'd received and i didn't like her tone of voice, her attitude, or the way she seemed to be lording it over the listener.
as a mommy, it's my job to call her on it. i have and i've explained to her why i don't think it's a good thing.
i want her to understand and remember that having nice things doesn't make us better than other folks.
but it's that time of year.
let me divulge.
with the imminent approach of the holiday commonly known as Christmas, i am beginning to dread leaving my home. thanksgiving has yet to arrive but everywhere i turn, there are christmas reminders. cities have put up decorations, stores are selling anything remotely related, and family members are already talking about The Gift Exchange.
i slipped and fell into the Gift Exchange by accident. i don't believe in the idea as a matter of principle. i think it's silly to have a set time of year to give gifts to people. even birthdays don't move me much.
i'm not anti-festivities though. celebrations are good. i love parties and get-togethers. but the gift-giving thing makes me queasy. truly. as in "my stomach is churning right now".
honestly.
i think one's taste -- whether it be in clothing, food, beverage, or neighborhood -- is very personal. i feel that buying someone a gift can be a form of intrusion. that's why i prefer to give monetary gifts unless i am absolutely sure my gift is something the person wants or needs. i know some people feel giving cash or its equivalent is tacky. to them i say "mind ya damned beeswax".
giving cash doesn't mean i value the recipient so little that i won't take time to find "the perfect gift". for me it means i respect that person enough not to waste her time or mine by buying a gift she may or may not like because it's the wrong color/size/style. money is one-size-fits-all and needs no receipt because there's no need to exchange it.
a cash gift/gift card/gift cheque allows the recipient to spend it as she sees fit. maybe she needs to pay a bill, buy groceries, or is in desperate need to cop a bit of her favorite recreational party favor. if my intent in giving is to give the recipient joy, what better way to do it than by allowing her to decide her own version of happy?
my issues with Christmas Gift-Giving -- henceforth known as "CGG" -- are many.
there's that thing most people have about getting a gift wrapped up in a package, one that they're usually hoping contains their heart's desire. well, i'm not the gift fairy and i sure ain't in the mind-reading business. so unless someone tells me what it is they want, how the hell am i supposed to know?
i like to give practical gifts because practical gifts are the kind i like to receive. but everyone is not like me. *shrug*
my other problem with CGG is the cost factor. do most families pick a name from a hat? leading to a (set) expenditure of cash for each name drawn. in our case that would be three names. if the spending limit is capped at $10 per gift, then it's cool. anything more and i feel like it's eating into my grocery budget.
if i spend my hard-earned $ -- okay, my hubby's hard-earned $ -- on a gift that won't be appreciated or used, i'm a mad sista. why waste money to show someone how much you love them? i show my family how i feel about them every day.
if i pick up your smelly socks and dirty drawers, clean up your crumbs and wash your dirty dishes, inhale your morning breath every day, spend my waking hours hunting bargains so we don't blow the kids' inheritance -- then you're safe in assuming i love you.
on the other hand, if i regularly forget to return your calls, ignore you when you're talking to me about some stupid football game, let you run around in dirty clothes for months because i don't feel like doing laundry, let you eat with dirty utensils, take a shower in a dirty tub because i didn't feel like cleaning it -- it's safe to assume i don't like you much.
ummm, okay. i don't do all that for my extended family but y'all get the idea.
back to the gift-giving thing...
i'm just not that into the herd mentality. i see shopping for holiday gifts as promoting this kind of thought in the worst way. i like to get my shop on, for sho'. but i like to shop when the rest of the world is doing something else. like sleeping. or in church. which leads to another thought.
why is it that people who say they believe christmas is a celebration of the birth of Jesus Christ seem to be the ones spending the most money? i know people who call themselves christians who go almost bankrupt at christmas because they overspend. i know the supposed correlation between the birth of christ and gift-giving, but i don't believe 3 wise men would have been stupid enough to give baby Jesus their last shekels if their mortgages were due in a few weeks time.
i also think CGG sets a bad example for children. i believe children should earn anything other than the essentials of food/clothing/shelter. otherwise they're being set up to believe they can get anything they want if they learn to manipulate well enough. i think those might be the kids who suffer in adulthood.
generally, children love to receive gifts and getting them for christmas is what they love most of all. i recall my own childhood as a time when it seemed everyone lived for christmas. after we opened our presents, we couldn't wait to get outside to tell each other what we got, each one hoping to outdo the others by getting the year's hottest gift.
fun.
but not for those of us whose parents didn't have spare cash.
my christmases were spent at my grandmother's and it was she who usually contributed the most to my (small) pile of presents. my mother was a single parent and though i had contact with my father's side of the family, they didn't send gifts for christmas.
maybe that's part of it... i've always been a bit of a softie, never wanting others to feel less than. and i often feel that those who have amassed huge material gains are putting down the have-nots when the "have" is rubbed in the others' faces.
i believe CGG often leads kids to behave like little snobs. now that i'm an adult and aware, i'm in a position to make sure my own child understands the negative consequences of such behavior. i think it's all very sordid and mean-spirited, bragging about gifts. not at all what the holiday season is supposed to be about.
as it is, there have been a few times i've overheard my daughter telling her friends (and others) about gifts she'd received and i didn't like her tone of voice, her attitude, or the way she seemed to be lording it over the listener.
as a mommy, it's my job to call her on it. i have and i've explained to her why i don't think it's a good thing.
i want her to understand and remember that having nice things doesn't make us better than other folks.
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