35: april...

originally posted Thu., Apr. 27, 2006; 2:06 p.m. EDT

hey y'all.

i was checkin' and saw that i ain't been here in a minute.

so it's april already. one of my least favorite months and not only cuz my mother-in-law has a birthday this month. thank Goddess we no longer live near her. amen and hallelujah!

it's been pretty rainy in our city this month. y'all know how i feel about rain. (see a previous post, aptly titled "rain".)

i like to hibernate when it's rainy out. especially when it's rainy and cold, like today. i've got the patio door open but only cuz i like the fresh air. and it's cold air so i had to put on an extra shirt. i hate extra clothes and refuse to wear them in the house until i get sick of seeing them high ass 'lectric bills. then i'll put on everything i can to keep warm in here. the other people who live here don't have that problem cuz their blood consists of the jalepenos and hot sauce they can't live without.

this month has been a lil rough for me. my family has been showing its collective ass, to my detriment. i am so sick and tired of drama. my whole life has been very dramatic (look for the novels people, look for the novels!) and as i move toward my 4th decade of life, a sista needs some peace and quiet.

i was seriously thinkin bout takin as much as i could fit in a backpack, greyhound-ing it as far as i could get in mexico, then getting to the most beautiful beach by any means necessary. i was gonna stay as long as my money held out. (approximately 6.66 years by my calculation)

they're lucky it done blown over. i'm still harboring feelings of resentment but i'm working on that.

part of the issue is feeling that i don't have enough "me" time. if y'all look back at my posts, i'm sure the majority of them were written in the wee hours. that's my "me" time. i have to get my stuff done when these people are sleeping. otherwise it's "mommy can you..." or some grown ass man leaving his dirty socks and dishes all over the place and expecting me to pick up and clean up after him in addition to being an on-call sex goddess.

not that i can't do it all. i am every woman, after all. but a sista does like to get some sleep urry now and then. can i least get some rest 'fo i diiiiiiiiiiiiiieeeee????

i know you can't expect chil'ren to fully understand why they can't always have ya undivided attention, but dammit, i'm trying my best.

my husband is old enough to know better so ain't no excuse for his mess. our issues come down to the age-old battle-of-the-sexes. it probably goes on in the majority of households where the female partner stays home. whether she works from home as a "professional" career person or is home tending to the chaps, it seems she is still expected to shoulder the lion's share of household chores.

it ain't going down like that in my house.

i've drawn the lines in the sand and no matter how many times he erases 'em, i'm a-drawing 'em right back. not in a nasty way cuz like i said, i don't want no drama. but i'm standing my ground cuz it's what i believe in. and it's what i want my daughter to know as well, that no matter what she chooses to do with her life, she does not ever have to accept a situation as it is.

if she is uncomfortable with it, do something to change it. if it don't wanna/ain't gonna/can't be changed, then it just might be time to scram.

i've found that the difficult part is not always making the changes. sometimes the hard part is assessing the potential for change and discovering the best methods for doing so.

lunch time.

i'm out.

.