Northern home girl transplanted to the land of southern belles tells tales from a life lived in vibrant color, sprinkled with random bits of radiant bliss...
I'm relaxing this morning, watching "Dateline" and contemplating a movie because it's "Cheap-Movie Tuesday" in my region. 🎥
So, the promised information about resiliency...
I can't seem to find the specific article I was thinking of but I did find other information that interested me. Some is scientific research, some "other".
Perhaps you'll find something here that will interest you as well.
What is Resilience? (This is an online PDF file so I'm not sure if it links correctly. If the link doesn't work, try this one What is Resilience? and look to the left for the red box that says "Download PDF".)
What is Resilience? (This is a really short definition, by the Resilience Research Centre. Lots to see here, on their website.)
I woke up this morning from a dream I can't recall at the moment.
Perhaps I'll remember it later.
Any who, right now I want to clarify something from the last post.
It was not meant to devalue anyone's feelings, emotions, or the way anyone deals with challenges in their lives.
I understand that we are all different in how we process life's events.
I know everyone is not given the... gift of resiliency and I remain thankful for it.*
Life can be difficult for some. It is difficult for some. Sometimes it's difficult for me.
Mr. Bliss used to say one of the reasons he loved me so much was because I was one of the most compassionate people he knew, that I had the biggest heart.
I believe this is true.
It's possible that my compassion for others comes as a result of "knowing what it's like"... I'm not sure.
There have been more than a few occurrences in my life that could have broken me. There may still be more to come.
What I know is that I survived everyone of them. Changed perhaps but still here and hopefully evolving into my best self.
Regardless of what has happened or what may happen, I need to keep positive thoughts and energy flowing even if circumstances seem to dictate otherwise.
I recognize that some people, for any number of reasons, are unable to do this.
They are the fragile among us.
God bless them and my prayers are that they receive the assistance they need to maneuver their paths.
Amen.
🌸 🌸 🌸
* I read an article about resiliency one day... what it is, how it happens. I'll see if I can find it and link to it.
Almost bed time here. I'm getting slee-e-e-e-e-e-epy!
And now, not to waste any time lest I nod off, let's get to the reason for this post: why I think I had the dream I detailed in post 846.
Last week I received a text one afternoon from The-Man-in-Waiting asking, "Why did you do me like that? Why?"
Seriously? 😵
I ignored it.
He has a right to whatever he's feeling. And I have a right to let sleeping dogs lie. And snore. For eternity.
I could have answered him but I chose not to. Nothing I say will make him feel better because nothing I say will be what he wants to hear.
In the evening hours of the same day, The-Man-in-Waiting called me. Twice. Back-to-back. 😕
I couldn't have answered if I wanted to. His number is no longer stored in my phone so it goes straight to my voicemail via the call blocker module of the antivirus software I use.
The next afternoon he called again. He left no voicemails. I only knew he called because all calls register on my call log, regardless of personal approval rating.
So although he and I shared no verbal or written conversation, he had intruded upon my peace and insinuated himself into my subconscious. 😔
That's why, metaphorically speaking, I believe the place I was leaving in the dream could have been his place.
And the rest: all the walking; the mud; the anxiety about the walls possibly falling down on me and trapping me; the two rings of brick surrounding the basement room...
So much symbology in dreams, representations of things that escape our conscious thoughts in waking life. Things we shoo away and force into boxes that get tucked away in cobwebby corners in the backs of our minds...
Later it also came to me that I had also recently had a dream with The-Man-in-Waiting actually in it. I remembered that it happened on Wednesday, the day I was so tired that I had to lay down in bed for a nap. I had the dream right before I awoke.
In the dream, I'm not sure if we actually talked but the phone was involved. He wanted me to come back to him, to start over and pretend like everything was okay. Or perhaps he'd forgotten what happened. Possible also is that in the dream, nothing untoward had happened.
That part is unclear.
I do remember waking and thinking that would never happen and wondering why I had had the dream. It's rare for me to dream about the men I date.
The real-life text and the first two calls came a couple of days later; the third call, a day after the first two.
What he thinks I did, I don't know. We all filter our realities through the veil of our own life experience, expectations, etc., so there's that.
I can tell y'all this: The "why me" or "why does this always happen to me" mentality is a no-no in my world.
Shit happens because shit happens. 💩💩💩
Call it karma, kismet, fate, The Drawing of the Three, the Red String... whatever.
It's all Life.
As much as I like to believe I know why some particular thing happened, I also know I could be totally wrong because I cannot possibly be privy to every single piece of whatever puzzle I might be focused on.
As much as we want it to, it just doesn't work that way.
And who says it should?
Becoming an Optimistic Realist is freeing. It's also frustrating. But it allows me to ground myself with the knowledge that no matter how much insight God gives me, some shit just ain't my business.
Having said that, I keep The-Man-in-Waiting in the subconscious prayer chamber along with everyone else who is no longer part of my daily conscious thoughts but who is "standing in the need of prayer".
As well, I pray for me, because as the song says: It's not my sister, it's not my brother. It's me oh Lord standing in the need of prayer.*
Because truly, there but for the grace of God, go I. Where ever "there" may be...
Amen.
🌸 🌸 🌸
* There are several versions of this song. I happen to like the more upbeat versions.
(Actually there were several dreams but I only remember the one I woke from.)
I was literally dragging baggage. 👝👜
Initially I had some sort of wheeled thing to drag my bags on. At some point it changed to me just dragging my bags. One was my real-life blue and black travel bag. The other two appeared to be purses but I can't say I've ever seen them in my purse collection.
So I was dragging these bags, walking up the road, leaving someone's home (I believe).
(Aside: I think this dream was brought on by a couple of things that happened this past week. More on that later.*)
I got to a neighborhood that was still under construction.
The street was very wide. It was also blocked in the direction I was headed so I had to walk on the sidewalk that consisted of mud and chips of lumber. On both sides, there were high walls made of the mud and lumber.
I became paranoid at one point, worried that the walls might fall in on me. (But only on the side I was walking on. The street really was wide.)
On the far side of the street, there seemed to be a few houses built into the mud and timber but I wasn't sure because they were shadowy and high up. I remember thinking I would never want a house like those. They looked eerie and dangerously perched.
I kept walking. Eventually I came to some finished homes. 🏠 They were made of dark bricks that looked like they were made of... mud and timber.
I kept walking and came to another blockage. The only way out was through.
Two blond-haired kids -- a young boy 👦 and a young girl 👧 -- came out of the house blocking the way. They showed me to a door and led me inside.
Inside was a big room with a low ceiling. I think we were in the basement of one of the houses. There were lots of adults in the room. They seemed to be busy but I didn't see them actually doing anything.
An African-American woman came over, smiling. We talked about how the kids had brought me, a stranger, in and how we hoped our own kids wouldn't do anything similar.
The kids beckoned, led me to an opening in the brick that led to outside. But we were still under the house so not fully outside.
The opening was rectangular-shaped and I managed to squeeze through but there seemed to be an inner and outer ring of brick surrounding the basement so I had to get beyond the second ring to actually be outside.
I came to a opening I couldn't get out of but the kids appeared and led me to an area eventually got me outside and to a gate where a blond woman 👩 (their mom?) waited for them in what I think was a parking lot.
They said goodbye to me and left with her.
I continued walking. (Why didn't I get a ride with these folks?)
I arrived at a (downtown?) hotel 🏨 that spanned two cylindrical (?) buildings joined on the second or third floor.
The outside/drive up area leading to check-in was covered on top but open on either side. The doorman (an older African-American gentleman) was closing the doors of a taxi that he'd just acquired for a group of men dressed in suits and ties.
I walked over to him and asked if he could get me an inexpensive taxi to the airport. ✈
He suggested I get the shuttle. 🚐 He called over a younger male hotel employee (also African-American) and told him to take me to So-and-So's office so I could get shuttle information.
The young man and I went up the steps into the hotel. En route to So-and-So's office, we stopped at the vending machine in the employee area.
There were lots of snacks. 🍩🍪🍫🍬 I specifically recall seeing a package of the small powdered donuts I love and gum.
We had a funny conversation about the gum (as I stuck a few packs in my purse) then continued on our way.
Whether or not I made it to the airport remains a mystery because that's when I woke up. 😞
