502.

Life moves ever forward.

In gratitude I continue to move with it, not wanting to stagnate in any way. Certainly not in any moments of heartache or distress. Those moments come almost daily, as the one-year anniversary of Mr. Bliss's death gets closer.

One year... It feels like one day or one week. Not in its newness, because I certainly don't feel like I did back then, missing him so much that I wanted to die to be with him.

Although I have had many happier moments since his death, the time that has passed has had no meaning in terms of minutes, hours, days, weeks, months...

Only when I've actually looked at a calendar or a clock because I had to do something or be somewhere at a specified time, has time been something real.

Mr. Bliss still visits me in my dreams but not as often as I would like. Is it because he knows how very much I miss him?

Does he know I would sleep more if he visited more, in hopes of spending more time with him?

This year would have been our 10th wedding anniversary. Which leads me to wonder how many years I have left here without him.

So strange to be "widowed" yet I'll be a "Mrs." for the rest of my life, even if I never re-marry.