So about that date...
Quite a tale.
Here it is:
- We started out with a late afternoon lunch at one of my favorite places. It was a two-hour meal, punctuated with good conversation and lots of laughter.
- We went to the mall to walk it off. (Yep, I do this on a lot of dates.)
- We discussed seeing a movie but the idea was nixed in favor of more sedate activities.
- We ended up at an all-night venue.
However, before we got into our respective vehicles to head out and over, he said he wanted to pick up a six-pack of beer.
He bought a 12-pack and put the box in the bed of his truck. Silly ole me thought he was taking it home.
At the venue, we settled in, talked and laughed more.
Next thing I know, dude says he's gonna run out to the parking lot for a smoke and a sip.
A smoke and a sip? 😲 (No emoticon visible? Insert astonished face here.)
My window seat offered me a full view of him puffing and chugging, an immediate turn-off. Two beers and cigarettes later, he returned.
There was more conversation but my thoughts had shifted to other things. Things I could be doing at home...
Dude took a couple more trips to the parking lot, to smoke and sip.
Well all righty then.
I knew he had suffered a personal trauma a little over a year before. No way did I expect him to be 100% healed but it was troubling to see him in what I felt was a downward spiral.
His was still smiling and seemed chipper, but his spirit was altered after the beers. He wasn't slurring or outwardly impaired but he wanted to talk about topics I consider off limits for dates, like politics and religion.
Who wants to get into a debate on a date? Especially with someone who's been drinking...
There are many topics suitable for discussion in mixed company: the weather, pets, fashion, food, Mars...
When I said no to politics and religion, he turned red as he struggled with struggling to engage me in the very thing I had just declined to participate in.
It was clearly time for an exit strategy.
Thankfully, he decided it was time to call it a night.
A few more hours passed as I luxuriated in the peace of my own company and the buzz from overheard conversations of others in the venue.
On my way home, I stopped to treat myself to breakfast.
*** Tale ends here. ***
As a woman who neither drinks nor smokes, I choose to date men who embrace tobacco-free lifestyles; I prefer to date men who don't drink at all
However, I'm not averse to dating a light drinker.
Herein lies the quandary.
My definition of "light drinking" may mean one beer a week, countered with someone else's two beers a night. Sometimes this disparity isn't evident until a few weeks or months have gone by, depending on how often we see each other.
No worries. I'm a live-and-let-live kinda gal.
What other people do with their time and money is their business and I need not allow it to impact my life.
It's simple: If I've had a few (or several) dates with a man who I later learn is what I consider a heavy or problem drinker, no more dates with him.
The reason: If I'm interested in dating a man, questions about amount and frequency of his drinking habits are on the list with all the other questions I ask. If his story and the actuality don't match, it signifies something deeper that I don't want to be party to.
From experience, I know I can't have a true friendship with a man who is (what I consider) a heavy or problem drinker. Same goes for a man who smokes.
If we can't be friends, we can't date.
Been there, done that; donated the tee shirt to Goodwill.