Wednesday, August 9, 2017

793.

Howdy folks.

A sista is tired.

I went out for groceries today. It was a three-store feat. First was my local grocery store, where I intended to get one item (plantain chips). Like I was really gonna get outta there with one item... 😜

There were several items on sale that I absolutely needed and $30 later, I was heading for the parking lot and my second stop.

At Aldi (stop number two) I picked up two of my favorite and most necessary items: a seeded watermelon and almond butter. Another $30 spent.

At Target, my third and final stop, I found what I'd been craving: organic peaches. I also treated myself to my favorite flavor of Kevita. After grabbing a few staples (eggs, grapes, apples...), I sashayed over to self-checkout.

Another $22 shucked from my wallet and I was outta there.

During my shopping spree, I saw several things that reminded me of the Hunk. My mind drifted to thoughts of our time together and the aftermath (which would be now until...).

Maybe it's just because it's that time of the month but I had to fight to hold my tears. Literally. Mainly because I was out and didn't want to muss my make up.

I know for certain that he is not the man for me. Which does make me a little sad. I fell head over heels for the man I thought he was, the man he thought he was, the man I would love madly and forever if he had been the man he's not. 😞

We had so much in common, many similar life experiences, a chemistry that was off the charts...

And although I love where I live and didn't want to move to his location, although I didn't like riding in his sports car, even though I felt like his deck was unsafe, and I didn't like how he had electrical cords running under rugs and carpets, of all the men I've dated in the past few years, as of today, the Hunk is the one man I felt super connected to.

Even so, the issues that separate us -- that torment him -- are entirely too serious for me to even think about overlooking.

La vida... It is what it is, he is who he is, I am who I am. 😐

But there is also the red string...

It might sound weird to some of you, dear readers, but I know it will resonate with at least one of you. The Hunk and I share a karmic connection that is deeper than romance. A past-life situation, our DNA... I can't say for sure. But our birthmarks were mirror images and we had lots of moles in the same locations. Once he looked at a photo of us and said we looked like brother and sister. 😱 I did see a faint resemblance but not enough to say we were related. 😌

However, I logged into AncestryDNA one day while I was at his home and there was a list of last names for some sort of community DNA links. (If I understood correctly, community DNA links are links based on my DNA and the area I'm from.) Although there is no one in my family with the Hunk's last name (and I can trace several generations back on both sides), his last name was on my community DNA list.

That was freaky and gave me a creepy feeling. 😟😨

The time I spent with the Hunk is now catalogued in my personal history under Things I'll Probably Never Figure Out.

I don't mean why things didn't work out between us. I believe know that answer. My question is why we met at all. Although in a previous post I said I thought I knew, it's possible the complete answer may never be revealed to me. 😶

Que sera, sera...

As time passes, my gift for processing and releasing undesirable events will help the less-than-positive aspects of our interaction fade.

Good for me.

And although I don't believe I will ever see the Hunk again in real life, I know he will always lurk in the periphery of my waking thoughts, possibly visit me in my dreams.

My prayer for him: that he is one day able to receive healing and know the freedom that comes with self-acceptance and self-love.

My prayer for me: that I am ever more resilient, always willing to look at myself, see myself, and be ever willing to make any adjustment(s) necessary for my healing and highest good.

Amen.

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