Friday, June 16, 2017

773.

Good afternoon everyone.

I hope each of you is doing well.

As for me, I'm still struggling with periodic episodes of overwhelming hormonal surges.

Earlier today in Target, it hit me that I'm about to celebrate another birthday without Mr. Bliss. I felt very sad and began to cry. Wouldn't you know it, I had no tissue in my purse. (Which further upset me because I try to remember to always have a packet of tissue in my purse. It's an awful feeling to need tissue and not have it when out in public and it's a feeling I do not like.)

I found a chair in the furniture section and sat. My next thought was to call one of my aunts. She was at grandma's yesterday and I thought she would be there today. She wasn't. After I talked to grandma (who I did not say anything to about my situation because she's been ill for a few days and I didn't want to add any stress to her life), I felt better.

A few minutes later, in the check-out line, I felt fine.

I've been okay since then but I believe there will be more to come because it's that time of the month and I have a busy weekend planned which can possibly add to emotional overload.

One of my sisters is coming to help kick off my celebration. I get her from the airport tomorrow morning. It's likely the paramour is going with me but not certain. He and I still need to discuss sleeping arrangements in case we decide he's staying at my place this weekend with my sister and I.

He and I can sleep in my room if my sister doesn't mind sleeping in my daughter's messy room. Otherwise we'll have to figure out something else.

My mom arrives on Monday to kick off part two. She and I, along with Baby Bliss, will picnic at my favorite park and hopefully get massages and facials. My mom is treating because this is a milestone birthday for me and she's excited.

Sadly, grandma won't be able to participate at all due to being ill. It saddens me a bit because I don't know that she'll be alive for my next birthday celebration.

Okay, so the tears are back. I'm feeling like I don't want to celebrate a milestone birthday without Mr. Bliss.

Not that I don't want to have a birthday. At this moment, I just don't feel like I want to celebrate it without my Beloved.  💔

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