Friday, November 17, 2017

820:

Good morning everyone.

This Friday dawns with an aura of sadness chez Bliss. I'm trying to regain my equilibrium* but it's slow going.

One reason is the hormones. (Of course.) And I'm exhausted as well. Which could also be attributed to the hormones.

My weekend spent in my hometown was a bitter sweet one. I won't go into too much detail because it's just too painful to hash it out here while still hashing it out in real life.

News:

- My dad was hospitalized once again, due to complications of his surgery. His health is see-sawing weekly it seems. I'm praying for daddy's comfort. It's all I feel I can do at this point.

- Mr. Quince and I are no longer dating (Yes, I'm the bad guy.) but we're still madly in love. I think this is the most painful experience with love and dating that I've had since I became a widow. Seriously.

Mr. Quince believes that love conquers all but I'm more of a realist. I know that habits are hard to break, even the ones that can kill us. I also know that habits that annoy me can cause me to want to kill a person who's living in close with me, even if I love the person.

Despite the fact that we haven't spent much time in each other's physical presence, in the short period we were together, Mr. Q and I have had some really good times. But I've also had time to see how different we are and how some of those differences are in areas that cause me grave concern.

At this age, and with the amount (and types) of relationship experience I've had, I know what I'm willing to compromise on and what is essential to my well-being, my peace of mind.

I also know that asking someone to change, hoping someone will change, expecting someone to change... those are wastes of energy for the most part. People can change but as I previously stated, habits are hard to break.

Why spend time trying, hoping, wishing for someone else to be something or someone they're not? Even if a change will improve the person's health or wealth, the other person has to recognize a need for change, has to want the change, has to implement the change.

I'm all for people being who had what they are. If it doesn't work for me then I get to decide if and how I'll interact with said people.

Mr. Quince at his best is kind, compassionate, loving, giving, intelligent. But his other traits, while they don't negate his good characteristics, do eclipse them in ways I don't want to bring into my space.

If we lived 30 minutes apart, it might not be a big deal. However, long distance romance makes some things glaringly apparent. Like relocating. We already knew that he would be moving here with me and I thought I was okay with that. Spending time with him allowed me to observe his habits enough to decide that no, I wouldn't be okay with that.

If we can't live together, I don't see a future together.

Marriage was a hot topic (he was anxious to jump in with both feet) and initially I was all in. But the engagement period exists for a reason and that reason is to give both parties time to learn their betrothed and decide if they've actually found their person.

For me it was a "no" but Mr. Quince wanted to gloss over all issues in the name of love. Well, I knew that wouldn't work. Effective communication and being able to resolve problems are two skills necessary for a healthy relationship of any kind.

Right now we're negotiating a "safe space" for us to be able to stay connected but not excessively so. Which is hard because we became best friends, calling and texting at all hours of the day and night about any and everything.

That was the easy part, facilitated by our shared history (school, neighborhood, friends, etc.)

What comes next remains to be seen.

O brave new world...


*(If this is disjointed, forgive me. It's the wee-est of the wee hours and although I'm not feeling sleepy, I am tired. My sleep cycle is way off again...)

Monday, October 30, 2017

819.

Good Monday to you fine folks.

I hope everyone has been well since we last met here.

I've been many things since then: overjoyed, frazzled, peaceful, optimistic, disheartened, overwhelmed, and more. Sometimes all in the same day. Literally.

The emotional life of a peri-menopausal woman is rich with feeling.

And so much has happened since my last post.

- Daddy has been home, back to the hospital, back to rehab, and back home again. He's had good days and some not-so-good days. As of our last phone call he sounded really well, like his pre-stroke self.

But that was a week ago. We're having communication issues, me and daddy. His cell phone seems to have gone missing so I can't reach him on that number. No one answers the house phone when I call so I can't talk to him that way. I can talk to him when his wife calls me from her cell phone.

The last time she did it, she put us on speaker. Her reason: the earpiece wasn't working well. Funny that it was working well when she called me to say my dad wanted to talk to me.

As my faithful readers know, this isn't the first time there've been communication issues between my dad and I due to his wife's interference. I'm not sure if she knows she's hurting my dad with her behavior but I know.

🌸 🌸 🌸


In other news, I've been in my hometown since Friday. I drove up for a cousin's engagement party and to attend an event with my momma.

Both those events were fun.

The not-so-fun but oh-so-exciting event came later.

Mr. Quince has been in hospital since Thursday evening, when he was admitted via emergency room visit.

I stayed overnight with him Saturday night and I'm here with him tonight. I truly wish I could stay longer but I must return home tomorrow because I have business down south that needs handling.

It's possible I'll return before December but not a certainty. Once the temps drop below 40 degrees (day or night), there's no long distance driving for me.


🌸 🌸 🌸


On that note, I'm gonna bid y'all bonne nuit. 😙 It's at least a six-hour drive to where I'm headed and with the way I drive, it might take eight or nine.

Sunday, October 15, 2017

818.

Happy Sunday folks.

It's a quiet and relaxing day here chez Bliss and I'm thankful.

I was perusing some of my old blog posts and I came across this one: 435. My name is not Oprah.

It's a list of what my favorite things were when I wrote the post.

Many years have gone by since I made the list and today I feel like updating it.

So here it is:


  1. My glass teapot. I still have it, I still love it, and I use it often.
  2. Tazo's "Passion" tea is still on my list. I drink it several times a week, usually cold from the fridge.
  3. My favorite dusting powder these days is an oldie but goodie, Jean Nate Silkening Body Powder. It smells like heaven and lives up to its description, as it really does make your skin feel silky. I don't wear it often because I wear a lot of black and the powder is white.
  4. I still have one of those semi-sexy "maternity" dresses and it's still my go-to dress for many occasions.
  5. Plantain chips have supplanted sweet potato chips as my snack of choice.
  6. These days, plain sparkling mineral water works well for me. While I do like the plain version just fine, I also use it half-and-half with fruit juice on days when I want to drink something bubbly and sweet. Maybe I'll start mixing it with my Passion tea...
  7. Sweet potato plants. I don't have much of a green thumb but I've come to love greenery around the house. A friend taught me how to plant sprouting sweet potatoes to get some of the loveliest and (fastest-growing) plants I've ever seen. My latest is so far the most beautiful (and biggest) of all.

In case anyone is interested, I still have my toasty warm and super soft knit slipper socks from Wal-Mart, I'm no longer using the glass fish bowls to pot plants, I still love the body butter from Habeebah's Herbals (but it's been ages since I've used it because I'm using pure oils these days like almond, sesame, and grape seed), and I still have yarns I like but none I currently love. 


Saturday, October 7, 2017

817.

I'm making something for the wedding.