Thursday, May 4, 2017

755.

It was a dark and stormy night...

Just kidding folks.

Regarding my most recent date(s) with my Paramour: It was a warm and dreamy night. And a wild and wonderful day.

Lots of interesting conversation (more reveals), lots of laughter, talk of marriage (including what I'm calling an "invitation to a proposal"), food, lots of kisses, some snuggling...

Most interesting: the "invitation to a proposal".

During our meal, we talked about our lives and he mentioned how much we had in common including the number of times we've both been married.

I laughed and asked him if he truly wanted to get married again. He in turn asked me if I wanted to get married again. I said I wasn't sure.

His response (as he gazed longingly into my eyes across the table -- seriously), "Yes, I do want to get married again and I want to marry you."

(Well, okay...

Yes, I have had several husbands as well as a number of broken engagements and a number of proposals I've turned down. And perhaps one day some extraordinarily lucky man will once again call me his wife.  💕

Perhaps it will even be my current Paramour because I definitely dig this guy.)

My reply (rendered with lots of eyelash fluttering and an inviting smile: But (Paramour), you don't really know me.

Him: I like what I know so far and I'll get to know you as my wife.

Me: 😯 Baby... getting married means moving again. I hate moving.

Him: Baby all you need to do is pack. I'll make sure the moving gets done.

He said he wants us to spend more time together once he moves into his new house (now being built and scheduled for a mid-summer closing) and he doesn't believe in just living together so he's working on making me Mrs. Paramour but he'll let me decide when I'm ready and then I can propose to him.  😄

My thought: ideally when two people who are romantically involved decide to legally merge lives and commit before God and family, they are committing to doing what it takes to make the situation work well for both parties.

I know what I tell myself about the things I want to do and what I'm willing to do when I partner with the man I want to spend the rest of my life with.

The question I have to ask myself is am I serious or am I just telling myself these things to feel like I won't make any of the "mistakes" I made in my relationship with Mr. Bliss?

Which leads me to another question: do I really want to be in an exclusive relationship right now or do I want to continue to be free to date whomever I want whenever I want, believing that some future day will bring me the man I want to spend the rest of my life with?

All things I need to think about as the gentleman and I spend more time together.

My Paramour admits his role in the demise of his former marriages and what he learned from those relationships. I can only take his word for what he says unless he shows me otherwise, as he must do for me.

I'm not sure we can ever truly know every aspect of our partners' thoughts, dreams, past histories, etc. Perhaps we should not know some of those things.

Which, I admit, kind of freaks me out because I am still learning to release my "control freak" tendencies.

In my evolution, I'm still learning to embrace the concept of "now".

The goal is to know when that concept means throw all caution to the wind and just do it as opposed to when it means sit tight because, "now".

Get it?

No?

I'm not sure I do either.

I'm still working on it...

Whatever the outcome of this situation, I must remember to remain grateful for opportunities for self-introspection no matter the impetus.  🙏



p.s.  If this post sounds out of context in any way, it's because I'm tired and sleepy. In fact I'm finishing it up in my bed, where mounds of pillows lie awaiting my loving embrace.

Good night y'all.

Sweet dreams.

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